c.a.s.s.i.l.e.m

2011-08-27T12:57:00.002+08:00

Currently in Penang.

And unfortunately I cannot endure it... he, stayed overnight. With a bunch of bitches. The end.

August, another ordinary month

2011-08-26T01:36:00.002+08:00

Time flies, its already August. And I'm back here in KL. Going to Penang tomorrow in the evening, will be leaving for Shanghai on the 1st of Sept. Cold war ongoing, it sucks as usual but like the usual, there's nothing I can do about it. Thinking about us, but I really do not know what to decide. Being in a relationship, means mutual respect. Things you don't like me to do, I won't do, but I hope things I don't like you to do, you won't do as well. At least last time, you'd ask my permission, or even think of my feelings. You wouldn't do it if it would make me feel bad, but its different now. You told me you do not care.

Its been months. Idk why I'm still in this mess. Haven't been blogging at all, because no matter where I go to, run to, or whatever I do, makes no difference. I still go back to the same old spot. Idk what have become of us. Whenever I try settling things, it tends to become worse. Even right now, I'm sick of it. It'll never end so I decided to stop talking about it. Conclusion, this whole thing sucks. Really wanna let go once and for all, so tired... but again, talking is easy. Just want to let go and focus on studies once and for all. I hope I'll be able to do it in these few months, and start all over again this new coming year ^^

I had the best dream for ages just now during my afternoon nap, that I woke up in tears, because it wasn't real. If the dream felt so real, so happy, so damn happy, I think I'd die if it happened for real. I might forget what I dreamt of, but I'll never forget how it made me feel, even in my dreams. Last time, the quote saying "I do not want to go to sleep, because reality is better than my dreams" applied to me, but not anymore. I wish you'd come back dear love, I really miss you so much. Tomorrow night is gonna be a huge heartbreak, but I'll endure it ^^ I hope I'll have the courage to close an eye. I know I can, but it'll hurt.

In this month, I worked, got my pay, pampered myself, had my fun, late nights, bad results, heartbreaks, tears, everything, but I'm just gonna remember all of them. Too much to write down. I promise myself, and for the sake of my family, I'll start fresh again, next year, and I'll start writing again. Need these few months to climb back up. Anyway, its 3 more months left to a new year.

Gotta go pack my luggage for the next few days in Penang and Shanghai. Have a great Raya holiday you guys :)

1.53am 26.8.2011

Edward?

2011-07-14T21:17:00.002+08:00

Haven't been blogging lately, currently in KL now enjoying myself. Have a lot of things to talk about, might be blogging soon if I'm not lazy.

Anyway, I'm curious. Edward, who are you? :)

9.17pm 14.7.2011

Crossroads in life

2011-06-14T02:21:00.002+08:00

So exams are done, graduation and prom are over, what next?

So many things running in my mind. One of them is my further studies. Unfortunately, I'm dumb and lazy. Therefore, my results aren't good enough to get me into a good uni. No uni in the UK would accept me for physiotherapy. If I wanted to go to the UK, I'd have to redo a foundation for 9 months then only go into the 3 year programme but dad doesn't agree with the foundation idea. He says if I were to do another year of foundation, he wants me to pursue a better course, if not, money and time wasted. But the better courses I can think of that I'd consider doing is only dentistry and vet science, and those 2 need A-levels.

HECK I DO NOT WANT TO REDO ANOTHER 1 AND A HALF YEARS OF A-LEVELS!?-____-

On the other hand, I can choose to do physiotherapy in Malaysia for 4 years without having to redo A-levels or foundation but its all 4 years in Malaysia.

I WANT TO GO TO UK WOR T___T

If I wanted to transfer after 2 years, I'd have to do a foundation first, according to mum. Sure, I don't mind then, BUT DOES IT GUARANTEE ME A PLACE IN UK? No? Yes? I don't want to take 5 years to complete my degree! And all in Malaysia somemore!?

OH WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO DUMB! I can't even write a good personal statement. u___u so frustrated, sighs.

AND I DO NOT HAVE ANY INTEREST IN ARTS OR BUSINESS, NOT EVEN A TINY BIT.

The only reason I want to go to the UK is the exposure, and to have a taste of what it's like being away from home, and also to let things go. Well yes, my mind is studies first mel, studies first mel, but does my heart think the same way? I need to get away from this place, if not...

I really don't mind KL, I don't, after all, I know quite a lot of people there, and people going there, nearer to home, I have a car to use over there, much easier. Furthermore, I know that I'm a lazy person and its gonna be so much cheaper, studying back here, like 5x cheaper so I won't be wasting money but... since young, I've always wanted to go abroad. & now, I have only myself to blame for not being able to go over.

I'd do my foundation over in UK + the 3 years degree, after all its gonna be the same duration in Malaysia, and of course, better quality but foundation again? 100k per year? Sigh. Wish I could just go straight into Year 1 then there won't be any hassle.

Yup, only got myself to blame again.

Wanted to fly over to KL this 17th, but...kaching is the problem. 17th is so close. I wish that day would never come.

I think I've already know the answer myself, but I really wanna go to the UK wor. I just berat hati him. If I choose Malaysia, I berat hati UK.

Would he give up on me? Would UK give up on me? Beats me to know the answer.

Results are horrible and I'm not filthy rich... I have no choice, have I?

2.19am 14.6.2011

Graduation & Prom 2011 :)

2011-06-14T01:52:00.001+08:00

1.57am 14.6.2011

When anger turns into tears.

2011-06-04T03:32:00.003+08:00

"I hate it when my anger turns into tears, it hurts. - Dianne" I fucking hate it. The hurt is indescribable and you'll never understand how I fucking feel, to be at your beck and call, to only be around when you need me, and when you dont need me, everything you do is WHATEVER. How can someone be so, ungrateful? So irresponsible, so cold hearted, so selfish, so inconsiderate, so manipulative... When you make me mad, so fucking mad, I still have to give in. And all I can do is cry and forget. If I had one wish, I fucking wish that I could stay mad at you forever. When will I ever have enough?

Your phone forever no batt. 12.30 when i left, you said when you reach home you'll call me. k lor, just have to wait for an hour ma since you said 1.30 or confirm before 2. nvm lo. so i wait, wait and wait from 1.30 wait till now already 3smth. in the end you're sleeping over at somebody else's house. WTF. AND YOU DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TELLING ME or even think of smth? Give me fucking lame excuses e.g. his phone got barred. WHAT, HE CALLED YOU BEFORE THAT? You wanna lie also pls lie smarter la. You're only making me sadder for thinking that I'm that dumb. IF I DIDNT GO OVER OR CALL HIM THEN I MUST HAVE WAITED LIKE FUCK? pls la can you stop being so inconsiderate and be more responsible. bloody hell seriously. wtf. you want to say i talk bullshit? then you're 100% full of bullshit. you can't even call me at 1.30 when you said you will, so does it give you any right to say that i talk bullshit? all your promises are bull. This isn't the first time, this is the GOD KNOWS HOW MANY TIME-TH. Everyday the same old story, only different starting but it all ends the same way.

If I knew it was gonna be so hard, I'd never have let you enter.

so much to say but. nvm.

you're... just too much.

i know, i have no one else to blame. because I chose to stay. Even if now, its obvious that its an unrequited love but im still stubborn. NVM. MY EXAMS ARE OVER. I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO CRY, TO STALK, TO CRY AND CRY, OVER AND OVER AGAIN, EVEN IF ONE DAY I'M GONNA DIE BECAUSE I DROWNED MYSELF IN MY TEARS. No where to go, no one to talk to, only this pathetic blog. I wish I knew how to drink. Really wish I could.

I don't know why after all these fucking fucked up things you put me through, I'm still here. Why am I still here? Why should I even care if you die of lung cancer? Or jeopardize your health in any way? Who are you to me?

Yeah, who are you to me? :) and who am I to you? To receive such treatment? If you should know how I feel, after having all this written down, I must have sound mad to you right? :)

But actually, I'm so... hurt.

I really wonder someday, if I died, would you even shed a tear? Hahaha.

3.47am 4.6.2011

Quotes

2011-06-03T01:35:00.002+08:00

FINALLY, I'm free. No more exams, no more no more no more! I do not have to wake up in the morning, thinking of sch, or what time does the exam start and I do not have to go to sleep, worrying how am I gonna cram everything in the next few days. My exams officially ended today. Next up is gonna be graduation and prom night :)

I hope everything goes smoothly. Wanna enjoy myself kao kao here before I leave this place. I can't wait, really, but no doubt, I feel very heavy hearted. To leave fam, to leave friends and most of all, to leave him here. But to free myself, its the only choice left.

So since I do not have to study at all, or wake up early, I've been spamming Twitter. If I had more energy and patience, I'd read all of em quotes from @TheNoteboook.

The most meaningful one I've seen today is this - Sometimes a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, because she's not ready to give up hope that maybe someday he'll change back.

This is what I've been trying to say... I hope one day, you'll be back again. I still hope.

Will paste the quotes here that mostly apply to me :)

Letting him go doesn't mean you stopped caring. It means you stopped trying to force him to.

The person you were is gone. The person you will be is a stranger. But the person you are is what matters.

One day, you're going to look back,and think, "Damn, that girl really did love me..."

The truth hurts, but it doesn't kill. Lies may please, but they don't heal.

When you really care about someone, their mistakes never change our feelings because the mind gets angry but the heart that still cares.

Lesson learned: don’t place your happiness in someone else’s hands, because once they’re gone, so is your happiness.

No one ever gets tired of loving, but everyone gets tired of waiting, assuming, hearing lies, saying sorry, and hurting.

The worst feeling in the world is when you know you're losing someone and there's nothing that you can do to prevent being replaced.

Never get too attached to anyone because attachments leads to expectations and expectations leads to disappointments.

What did I do to have you ignore me? One day we're fine, and the next it's like I don't even exist.

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing ever. But to hold it together when everyone else thinks you'd fall apart is true strength.

I don't want a perfect relationship. I just want someone who I can act silly with, someone who treats me well and loves being with me.

I cant promise u a perfect relationship without arguments and differences. However I can promise you as long as you're trying, I'm staying.

Time Flies Part 2

2011-05-27T02:56:00.002+08:00

The title of my post is Time Flies Part 2. Idk why but I have a post with that title before so I just added Part 2 in. Haha. But really, time flies... so quickly.

Idk what I've been doing this month, besides flunking my exams. I just finished reading Daph's blog. Used to stalk her blog like everyday. Well not everyday but very regularly that I do not miss out any posts before but there were 3 or 4 new posts when I visited just now and the last post I read was the 1st of May. What happened on the 1st of May? It was a holiday, labour's day, and he had to work as one of the table officials. In a blink of an eye, it's now the 27th. Bloody hell. It's 27 days there, what did I do...

I'm amazed, seriously.

How did I go through that one month, with the stress, crying, despair, everything?

I guess, July will be here in a blink of an eye too =) can't wait. I'll just endure. AND ITS THE LAST WEEK OF EXAMS NEXT WEEK! I'm so happy I do not have to go through this shit anymore, and start all over again. I'm still lost but whatever happens in the future, I hope I do not procrastinate anymore.

June shall be a very exciting month. It will be! I have my fingers crossed :)

Watched Kung Fu Panda 2 with baby just now. I loved it. He doesn't like watching cartoons at all, but he'd watch it with me :) i know he's a pure ass but I guess, no one will ever understand how I feel for him. Still hesitating whether to give it to him tomorrow or not......

3.03am 27.5.2011

The past continues to haunt me

2011-05-22T23:08:00.002+08:00

Tonight, no distractions. He's sound asleep after a long day being at the island, its a Sunday night, no drama, I told myself, no tv, no going out, do chem. I'm actually sad, because he did not bring me along with him. Last time, he used to bring me everywhere, anywhere. But I guess, today was also good. It's no longer about not bringing me anymore. I guess I'll never ever be brave enough to face this. I told myself countless of times, let the past go, its over but actually deep down, I cannot. I don't think I can ever do this unless we've reconciled but then again, its impossible.

Actually I know, deep down, there is no happy ending in this. Who am I, to be angry? Its my fault after all. I destroyed it. Looking back, reading posts, she is right. Why was I so mean?

I should just let today be a "reimbursement" for her. After all to them, I'm the bad one. Well yeah, I am.

Like now, I'm sad, heartbroken, mad, and even to some people now, dramatic. Why? Because I use my heart to love someone ma.

Guess this is how it feels. Karma is real, somehow.

I'd do anything to go back to the past and change it but I can't. The only thing I can change is now, and the future. The days that I dread are near. One day when I'm ready, I'll let go and I'll apologize. It has never bothered me until now. Guess its been inside for far too long, its a thorn, and I need to remove it. I'll have to face it. It isn't necessary anymore because it's the past, but I've learnt a lot, realized a lot from her. It's hard for me to admit it but hey, at some point, you can't lie to yourself no matter how much you try.

To let go of this past, to release myself, I have got to let you go, erase the people around you from my life, and start over again :)

Damn I should be going to the UK. Haha. Now, I hope I get accepted. Gonna go work on my personal statement damn -.-

Although this had to happen, but it doesn't change the fact that I love you still and still the most ever :)

10 more to go.

2011-05-09T11:45:00.002+08:00

Screwed my first bloody paper which I'm supposed to redeem myself from. Resit lor. Sigh. That's it, I do not want to go to Keele anymore. Even if I am accepted, I won't. I don't deserve it. So damn lazy, go in also get wasted. Don't wanna waste extra cash. I'll just go for the 2+2. I'll redeem myself, then.

Hope I won't screw bio and chem up. Damn.

男人…… 其实, 你不懂.

2011-05-06T20:31:00.000+08:00

吵架

我想大多数的情侣都会碰到过

彼此越是喜欢

而越容易吵架

明明知道是很小的一点事

却到最后是那么的生气

互相挂掉电话

接下来就是冷战

其实这个道理他一直都懂

他知道这是在乎的表现

所以他对她的爱

从来就没有动摇过

如果只有他那么想

那最后肯定有一方会承受不住的

因为他也不敢确定

她是不是和他想的一样

谈恋爱的人

是不是能较好地交流

这可不一定

有时

相爱的人反倒不能交流

林黛玉最爱贾宝玉

爱得不要命

可是一见面就吵、就哭

越是相爱就越容易吵架

薛宝钗为什么不跟贾宝玉吵呢?

因为她不爱他

女孩子喜欢谁

就跟谁吵

这一点对男士有极大的参考价值！

一个人对另外一个人的感情

如果很一般

就很客气、很有礼貌

很尊重人家跟你不同的东西

有一种求同存异的倾向

而感情越好

对对方越关心

求同的倾向越强

达到一个峰值

也就是最高点

就接近全面求同

明知对方对自己有感情

感情强烈就越不讲理、苛刻

有点专制了

相爱的男女朋友

对方的一举一动都细细的看在眼里

会胡思乱想很正常的

所以当你有了男女朋友之后

请对其他异性保持一定距离

好好的去珍惜你身边那位会约束你

会吃你醋的人吧！

不要觉得Ta不讲道理

因为要讲理

那就做普通朋友好了

普通朋友不会约束你

并且永远都会尽量顺着你

讲好听的给你

相爱的情人

任何的吵闹、嫉妒、猜忌、孩子气

都是合理正常的

因为Ta重视你

重视你们之间的一切

才会情感敏感而强烈

如果现在的你

正因为你的男女朋友无理取闹而生气

请拿起电话打给Ta吧！

冷战时期

其实对方都想要给对方打电话

但互相也是在等着对方的电话

就是因为彼此都这么想

所以既难受又生气

甚至越想越气

最后闹的是不可开交

所以在他遇到这种情况的时候

他都是第一个说话的人

因为他知道她是那么的爱他

他也是那么的爱她

男人就应该让着自己心爱的女人

换个角度想一想

你也是幸福中的人啊！

好好珍惜

你身边为了一点小事而吃醋生气的人吧！

因为你拥有这样深深爱着你的人是幸福

情人心里面容不下一粒沙子

哪怕是很小很小

真正爱你的人

是容不下你和异性单独聊天

或单独出去的

为什么要珍惜男女朋友?

因为对方很爱你

会甘心情愿为你做很多事

很多普通朋友不会帮你做的事

你的男女朋友都会为你去做

打出来的男、女人嘴服

疼出来的男、女人心服

总之吵架的根本原因

就是真爱和在乎的混合体

这可是一份最真最真的幸福

女人不吵了、不闹了、不叫了

就是真的不爱了

女人说要离开

是伤心了

是你让她失望了

女人明知道你们之间没有未来

却情愿留在你身边做个普通朋友

不是她太贱

只是她舍不得

女人故意在你面前提到别的男人

不是她花心

只是想要刺激一下你

让你多在乎她一点

女人不主动打电话、发信息给你

不是不想你

是她不够自信

你接到电话、短信时

是否也同样的想念她?

如果女人不爱你

是不会对你发脾气的

不要报怨自己的女朋友脾气太怪

女人只对她爱的人发脾气

女人不是不知道你还有别的女人

她选择独自伤心却不揭穿你

是害怕揭穿后

给了你一个离开她的借口

女人总是在你面前假装很开心

不是她没心没肺、成天傻乐

只是为了在你面前留下最美的样子

男人……

其　实　你　不　懂

2011-05-01T02:46:00.004+08:00

I know, talking to you will not ever be the same. I don't wanna bother you, or annoy you so I'll just say it here. Even if I did tell you, you wouldn't bother listening anyway. Sigh. It doesn't get to the target but I'd feel better. At least I wrote it down. And I hope you read it.

I still cannot get over it... really. I know you'd just say, if I cannot, then go. Its easier said than done love. Wish I could. I still cannot get over what you've did these past few days, or words you've said but, just to ask you, is it worth it, for us to fight, over a conversation with someone which will make you happy for a few minutes or hours?

Am I really not enough?

Because you wouldn't do this, last time.

I miss you :'( come back :'((

2.51am 1.5.2010

For The First Time :)

2011-04-17T19:21:00.002+08:00

Can't believe this song is 7 months old now. I'm so, outdated.

This song is so...meaningful, and the music video itself.

She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart
While I'm drinking Jack all alone in my local bar and we don't know how
How we got into this mad situation, only doing things out of frustration
Trying to make it work, but, man, these times are hard

She needs me now but I can't seem to find the time
I got a new job now on the unemployment line and we don't know how
How we got into this mess, is it God's test? Someone help us 'cause we're doing our best
Trying to make things work, but, man, these times are hard

But we're gonna stop by drinking our cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night, saying things we haven't for a while, a while, yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears, even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

She's in line at the dole with her head held high
While I just lost my job but didn't lose my flight, and we both now how
How we're going to make it work when it hurts, when you pick yourself up you get kicked to the dirt
Tryin' to make it work, but, man, these times are hard

But we're gonna start by drinking our cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night, doing things we haven't for a while, a while, yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears, even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

Drinking our cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night, saying things we haven't for a while, a while, yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears, even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

For the first time
Oh, for the first time
Yeah, for the first time
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

Oh, these times are hard, yeah, they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me, baby
Oh, these times are hard, yeah, they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me, baby

Oh, these times are hard, yeah, they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me, baby
Oh, these times are hard, yeah, they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me, baby

this song makes me tear :')

ily.

Decisions

2011-04-17T02:43:00.002+08:00

Everything's fine now. Well not fine, not exactly, but just, okay now, for the time being :)

Well... Just heard from Pearl regarding her studies. She's most prolly going to Mahsa and I just checked the website out. They offer a twinning programme which means that I can also go overseas!

The only uni I have decided now is Keele University :) the only thing I have to prepare now is my personal statement, that's all. But after looking through Mahsa's website, Nottingham's and IMU's, I'm having doubts again...

I'm thinking, well KL isn't so bad after all, isn't it?

Its closer to home, and I know people from there, have friends, I still get to go to UK and its definitely cheaper, but most of all...its nearer to you.

Idk if you'd think of me first whenever you do anything but, idk. Just can't imagine being thousand miles away from you, for years and... yes, technology is now so advanced but, its different. Even writing this is making me tear wtf wtf is wrong with me. Haih im such an emotional bitch lol. Dont mind me, its PMS.

Seriously.

Yeah. I really don't know. Will just let mum decide for me. Idk if you're willing to go through it all, with me. I was sure back then, but I really don't know, now...

2.50am 17.4.2011

One in A Million

2011-04-11T14:03:00.010+08:00

I did it the second time last night.

I told myself, I'll never ever do it anymore. The first time I did it, I didn't know, I wasn't sure and I didn't even realized that I did it that when I did it the other day, I was still, half-smiling. But last night, I was so clear of my actions. I knew what I was doing. And I did it harder this time, wanting to do it again.

I know you're gonna say its my fault again, but I'm used to it, taking the blame when its clearly your fault.

It hurt me to do so, but it hurt me even more, when you didn't care, even when I was right in front of you.

The first time, when you saw me, you smiled, and asked me why am I here. Even though you know its would be a disaster, yet, you didn't show me that you were mad or anything. But last night, you saw me. All you gave me was an annoyed look, and asked me why in a rough way. You know perfectly, why. You even elbowed me. In the cyber, in front of everyone.

You dissed me, totally. In front of your friends. I was alone, a girl, standing amongst so many many guys, but I feel so unprotected, even with you right in front of me. Did you know how I feel? I was all alone. All alone...

You didn't even bother coming after me. Or till now, even a word of apology that you lied to me. Again, a lie. A lie.

I sneaked out of the house, going over to yours, telling myself the whole time when I was otw, that I'm wrong, you're having a headache, and you're sound asleep and not out, at the cyber, playing games when we were supposed to be spending time together. You had a headache, and thats why I didnt wanna bother you... You said you couldn't stand the pain, you needed to rest. But when I reached your place at midnight, the fan was off, the door was open. Stood on the flower pot, to see no one on the bed.

I told myself before that, if you weren't at home, I must stay calm. I must stay calm no matter what. But I couldn't. I drove at high speed, cut traffic lights whenever I could, rushed over to the cyber. And I saw you there. I asked you, why. I asked you to come over the side just for a little while, but you just sat there and continued playing...like I was invisible. You said smth, as if it was my fault for coming to the cyber to look for you. Why did you have to lie again. I trusted you. But because of a game, because of your friends, you lied to me...you rather play your game and go out with them than to just spend time with me even if its just sitting down. Now how am I important to you? Do you love me that way? You kept asking me to leave. I pinched you and you elbowed me, at my stomach. Did you feel any guilt when you did that? Did you know my heart hurt more than my stomach did? I did it, and I ran out. But you didn't feel a thing... I went in again, with my dignity totally lost, and I tried to talk again, because I knew you would not come after me, but you said, you have nothing to say at all. You did not want to see me anymore.

I was...hoping, that you'll... nvm. It doesn't matter anymore if I say it.

Since you do not want to see me anymore...I'll slowly, disappear.

Tell me, how does it feel when you constantly lie to me, when I trusted you? Did it really feel good? Seeing me being a fool? Seeing me having tears welling up in my eyes, standing there, unable to do anything...

Why didn't you do anything? Because you know that even no matter how bad you hurt me, I'll still beg you to not leave? Thats why you took me for granted?

I drove to Daphne's place at 11.55pm, and I cried to her, until 1. The first time, it was my mum. This time, her. If it ever happens the 3rd time, there would be no one for me to go to anymore. I had papers the next day, notes remained untouched, but I stood up until 5am, reading through our wall posts, saving each and everyone of them.

The walk we had at the beach... You asked me randomly "what if this is our last walk?" It really was. I'd hold your hand, walk with you till the end of the beach, even if the path is never ending...but...you'd leave me now, for a game, and for your friends. Who is going to walk with you the rest of your journey? Them? I wish you luck. I'll never forget that last chat we had at the beach. I really wish all the things we said would come true and I wish last night wasn't real but my tears and now scars which will be around forever, will tell me they are real.

A month with them, and 2 years with me... You chose them over me.

From March 2009, till now, through the laughter, fights, accident, care and love, do you think it was worth it..? I put in my all...my all.

You ask me, why am I not like your friend's gfs, who let them smoke, drink, game etc. Why? Because I care for you. I'm not like those gfs who dont even wanna try to make them a better person when they can. You can, you just do not want to...

Time has passed, and you have changed. Like she said, this is really the second time, only this time, its worse. You totally left me there...standing. No matter what I do or say, I know, I'll never get you back. You're gone. You're gone with a huge part of me.

Now, you can be without me. You're able to club, drink, smoke, game till late night, gamble, club with em girls, drink away till you get wasted with them and do anything that you'll be happy doing, and no one will ever be beside you besides your mum whom I think is also tired to advice you, or care for you. I hope you'll be happy. As a gf, I tried to help you in every single way, to make you a better person. You might think you have a burden off your shoulders now, you might not care and might be relieved even, laughing away but in years to come, in the future, you'll regret this. You'll regret you ever treated me this way. Even if not much, you still will. If you're not gonna change now, you'll never have a blessed relationship with your future one. You're 21, start thinking for yourself alright? Time flies. You'll never know whats gonna happen the next day. Like what has happened to us... I won't be surprised if you're purposely doing all this, to make me see for myself. I saw it for myself... I did. & it hurts. It hurts so much. Now ask yourself, have I repeat any of my mistakes like this, twice...?

Since we got back after the 1 month break, everyday, I've been asking you again and again, why'd you change? You said because you sayang me too much last time, and now I'm stepping over your head. You said I've hurt you too much before, by going out with Jasper(which happened once and I never did it anymore, after last December), by following Daryl's car, by going out with my guy friends when I went back to Penang etc... I know my fault. But did you ever look at yourself in the mirror, and asked what you did to me? Yet I stayed true. I did not change. I might have change too, but I know I've changed to keep you, to keep you with me. You're always saying you're tired... What about me, crying like this everyday, am I not tired?

You know I've always put you first. Wake up first thing, you. Food, you. Outings, you. Every single thing, you. No matter what I do, you. Sometimes I think to myself, why am I living? Why am I even going to uni? And it'll all still relate to you. And you know, no matter what you did; smoke countless times, drank behind my back, lied to me, I'll still take you back...even if it hurts. Even if I'm the one always asking us to take a break but, do you think I've ever really meant any of them once? You always say I'm cruel. Aren't you? You've got your revenge, you got me so bad. Are you happy now?

Remember my last msg the night before. No matter how you treat me, no matter how you hurt me and no matter how mad I get, always know that I love you. The only difference is, one day in the future, if you ever need me, I won't be by your side anymore; because you took too long to realize.

You know, if you apologized immediately, ran out, grabbed my hand, and said you're sorry, I will forgive you, I will, because you're my everything. But no... you did not. Not even till now. So don't okay? Just keep it this way.

"Love isn't about finding the perfect person, it's about seeing an imperfect person, perfectly."

Even if you weren't perfect, and far from it, yet you're the most perfect person to me. Why...do this to me babe. why.

I've always cared for you and loved you but you chose to do this to me. One day, I hope you'll really realize, you've lost the moon when counting the stars.

2.29pm 11.4.2011

You're the best thing, that's ever been mine.

2011-04-11T13:47:00.002+08:00

You were in college working part time waiting tables
Left a small town, never looked back
I was a flight risk with a fear of falling
Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts

I say can you believe it?
As we're lying on the couch
The moment I could see it
Yes, yes, I can see it now

Do you remember we were sitting there by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Flash forward and we're taking on the world together
And there's a drawer of my things at your place
You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded
You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes

But we got bills to pay
We got nothing figured out
When it was hard to take
Yes, yes, this is what I thought about

Do you remember we were sitting there by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Do you remember all the city lights on the water?
You saw me start to believe for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

And I remember that fight, 2:30 a.m.
As everything was slipping right out of our hands
I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street

Braced myself for the goodbye
'Cause that's all I've ever known
Then you took me by surprise
You said I'll never leave you alone

You said I remember how we felt sitting by the water
And every time I look at you, it's like the first time
I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter
She is the best thing that's ever been mine

Hold on, make it last
Hold on, never turn back
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Do you believe it?
We're gonna make it now
I can see it
I can see it now

2011-04-06T15:40:00.001+08:00

I talk to guys = i curang.

You talk to girls = you no curang.

Ni bian le.

2011-03-31T22:26:00.001+08:00

Last day of the month, and the best day so far, this 1 month and 5 days :)

1 month, 2 days, and still counting...

2011-03-28T23:26:00.002+08:00

Trials in 10 days.

So much shit running through my head. I think I've emo-spammed my fb and twitter till people are so sick of it.

Sobbing through the night. So emo. So fucked up. You're not doing anything now, but yet I still feel so sad. You mean so much to me, but I mean nothing to you. How sad that is. If only you'd feel 1% of my pain, you'd slowly understand. Wish I could just hug you, let it all out and fall asleep in your arms. Knowing that I can't do that, just breaks everything in me.

After a few days of getaway, I broke down. Just shows how hard I try, no matter what I do, you're still a big part of me and that big part is gone. I...

Waiting hopelessly now everyday. Feel better after sobbing some shit out.

Till then.

7th of March

2011-03-07T23:32:00.001+08:00

Beginning and The End.

fml

2011-02-26T23:03:00.001+08:00

I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you

Its just the first night and now, thats all I have in my mind.
I just want you to decide :'(

Horoscopes

2011-02-23T13:56:00.002+08:00

Hellooooo everyone :D

Yes I've been MIA but I'm back now but will be MIA again because progress test is tomorrow and on Friday. I'll most probably be failing 2 out of 3 subjects. I hope my biology will still remain. Sigh have to start studying after this post or what.

Sorry but I'm just too lazy to blog. Either being emo or lazy :P

Anyway, not here to blog. Just here to share something with you people. Recently, I've been following Tweeterscope and Sexstrology on Twitter :P and I'm starting to believe in horoscopes!

Here is one that I've just read and its so darn true. Every sentence I read, I go yes yes -.- seriously.. Like every sentence.

Traits: Sagittarius have a positive outlook in life, open-minded, they overcome disappointments easily.

They are intellectual and philosophical and also good humored.

Sagittarius is full of energy, versatile and eager for adventure that you will often find them travelling and exploring far away places. However they are also restless, seldom settling in one place for very long. Sagittarius is a friendly, likeable sign and has no shortage of friends. They show kindness and are helpful towards others. They are trustworthy, reliable and honest. They have strong morals and have a tendency to being outspoken and quick to anger though are also very forgiving. They can be faithful to their partner but there is the risk of the Sagittarius of being restless and wandering. They are however adaptable, and if they try, are able to balance their independence with loyalty.

Career wise they love teaching, and are interested in law and politics; they will also like any job, which involves travelling. Sagittarius can be impatient and have a tendency to rush through new projects too quickly making them prone to carelessness. They are broad minded and inquisitive, loving anything new and interesting.

See, so true kan -.- if you are a Sagittarius like me, and if it describes you totally, high five! Because its 99% true XD

Alright ciao. Will be blogging soon, hopefully after progress test ;)

Will be busy with Sports Day coming up, involved in Cheering Competition and Futsal Competition :O

2.03pm 23.2.11

2011-02-02T03:04:00.002+08:00

Gawd. Been spending like I've never spent before. I mean not a lot like thousands everyday but like, its so unlike, me :/

Nevermind I had enough of holding back! XD

Date to remember - 1.2.11. Why? Because I got myself my first maxi dress and I so love it lor! :P

Eeeeeeee. I feel like blogging about today so I shall blog about today! XD

Woke up this morning. Nothing special about my morning. But in the afternoon, I went over to Lintas to pay Jeffrey a visit. At the same time, checked his shop out :P his the boss of J-Classic btw :) not bad lor the clothes there. There was another boutique, that caught my attention but too bad, I was slow. When I got into the boutique, some customer walked out of the shop carrying the outfit I want :( wekwekwek. Had tea with Jeff though, at Cupcake Calendar. It was nice! :) Went for their Afternoon Delight special and tried their Rocky Roads + Milk Pandan Tea. Really not bad! I'll go there again next time, with him x)

OH BTW. I washed Momo's cage x) wakakaka.

Then after that, went home, got ready and mum dropped me at Pearl's place. Went to 1B with Pearl and Dunstan. This time, Dunstan drove :) thanks dude. He sent me home too. Well whatever it is, like yes, I got my first maxi dress :P and it was love at first sight so although its a bit pricy but nvm, like I said, once in a blue moon :P After 1B, had dinner at the newly opened Pappa Rich at Karamunsing Capitol. Victor joined us there. Then after dinner, we went to the night market at Segama. Waaaaa so many cheaper sunglasses damnn, I should have waited -___- I wanted to get another one, this time another look, but I've bought two so nevermind -___- I still have to save for Penang! :P and then after so much walking, we went to Horizon Cafe for a drink, chitchat and then home sweet home.

I so tired nowwwww so I guess imma hit the sack. 3.15 already!

REUNION DINNER TOMORROW, HAVE A GREAT ONE PEEPS :D

3.17am 2.2.11

I want more shopping please :(

2011-01-31T11:17:00.002+08:00

Hellooooo, how is everyone doing?! :)

It is now the third day of holidays and so far, I've been sorta enjoying myself ^^ that is if I put you aside. And Melia, I cannot afford to be all emo in every single post right? If not later everyone start saying I'm pathetic blablabla. I am sad, very. I am. But there is nothing I can do to change his rigid perspective so nevermind. I give up trying. Its been quite sometime and I don't think I can change his thinking anymore. Just have to enjoy myself while I can. I've put everything down for him but if he doesn't start waking up and realizing.. I've done everything I can. Just wish he'd stop for a while, open up his eyes and see that I've been always beside him and not just shut me off like this.

Okay enough of that emo stuff if not my whole day's gonna be emo again :)

So farrr, the highlight of holidays is CNY shopping :D

Like I've already mentioned, Talent Night kept me busy on Friday night.

Tuition + cheer practice + going to Karam Capitol with Daphne to scout for Jumpshoot, at night light shopping with mummy on Saturday.

And yesterday, 1B in the afternoon and Gaya Street at night :D had so much fun shopping for stuff. Really wish I had more money to just splash on myself w/o having to think about keeping some for other stuff. At least 1k also I'm grateful enough la :( wish I could get more of those necklaces and earrings at Vincci D:

Now, mum's busy, shes got errands to do so I'm stuck at home, here :( haih.

Something to look forward to is Penang. I'll be going to Penang sometime this week I hope, NOT TELLING :D

11.26am 31.1.11

CNY Holidays

2011-01-29T01:36:00.002+08:00

Holidays start tomorrow! But it starts with tuition at 8 and cheer practice after that -_-

Nvm, I'm gonna go home and sleep until I puas and after that, hope to go shopping at night or maybe gai gai somewhere :D Gaya Street perhaps? :)

Had an adventurous night tonight! One of them was FASTER. AWESOME SHIZ. I give it a 8.5/10 I think :/ luckily it has not finished yet. NEXT TARGET? GREEN HORNET! >:D

Before that, went to TTSS for I.S. Talent Night. Ahhh Gerald aka Aikawa is super cool T____T awesome dance moves!!! Ahhh never enjoyed such real live dancing in school events. They really nailed it. So natural and sooo, omg nice. Idk how to describe. I even like the most SS one T___T

I can't wait for the video to be uploaded!

I miss you so much but you'll never know. Trying to compress these feelings inside me, I hope I won't burst.

I hope that everything will be alright this CNY :) hope to get all the things I want, slowly... Things are starting to look good ^^

And dad bought something interesting back from KL :O not telling yettt :D & also something MORE interesting but I'm not 100% sure about that D: hope its fo real! Keeping my fingers crossed.

Ok gonna go enjoy Beautiful - Beast and sleeppp :)

1.50am 29.1.11

2011-01-24T20:03:00.002+08:00

When I come across a job vacancy, I'll think of you.

When I come across universities that offer your course, I'll think of you.

Whenever a love song plays, I'll think of you.

Whenever I go walking around in malls and come across a nice pair of shoe, I'll think of you.

When I see nice t-shirts that would look nice on you, I'll think of you.

When I buy things, I'll think of you.

When I wake up in the morning, I'll think of you.

When the night has come, I'll think of you.

When the weekend is near, I'll think of you.

When there is a public holiday, I'll think of you.

When I wanna watch a movie, I'll think of you.

When I watch a movie trailer, I'll think of you.

When I watch tv at home, I'll think of you.

When I'm lying down on my bed, I'll think of you.

When I get my results, I'll think of you.

When there are any functions or events coming up, I'll think of you.

When I go on a vacation, I'll think of you.

When I wanna have breakfast/lunch/dinner, I'll think of you.

When I'm going out with either friends or family, I'll think of you.

When I'm out with my friends or family, I'll think of you.

When I'm having lessons, I'll think of you.

When my birthday is coming up, I'll think of you.

When a big occasion is coming up, I'll think of you.

When I do nothing at all, I'll think of you.

Wherever I go, I'll think of you. And whatever I do, I'll think of you.

You are always first in my mind, never second, or third.

But what about you? :)

In the end, this is what I get...for putting you first. This is my second greatest fall, ever.

Devastated.

8.19pm 24.1.11

2011-01-24T15:59:00.005+08:00

Today was supposedly our doomsday. I got my results today. It isn't good, not at all. But for me, I'm very satisfied and in fact also kinda happy :) I expected MUCH MUCH WORSE. Thank God no Es and Fs z. I'll have to resit two subjects but its okay, I expected it! Feeling motivated. I have 2 more chances left for AS. I hope I'll nail this second chance and A2 won't be too hard for me to handle :(

Thank you so much God for the results. No hardcore studying wor. And all the slacking, sleeping, going out, emoing... Yeap. I think its all Ms Joanna's work. Have to thank her after all of this is over. I didn't expect it, not at all. Jumped 2 grades up. But the other two, I deserved it. I expected worse tho like I said ^^"

Well. Biology really really, made my day. So good to see my mum smile and laugh :)

This update just for you chryx ya right i know very hard to believe hor. Idk what to update -.- everyday emo nia. This is the only little happy thing happening :D

AND SEI LOU LISTEN TO MY SONG UP THERE!!

Bro is in his room cursing away now. His razor mouse, dead .____.

4.05pm 24.1.2011

So maybe I'm a masochist

2011-01-16T02:46:00.004+08:00

On the first page of our story
The future seemed so bright
Then this thing turned out so evil
I don't know why I'm still surprised
Even angels have their wicked schemes
And you take that to new extremes
But you'll always be my hero
Even though you've lost your mind

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Ohhh, I love the way you lie

Now there's gravel in our voices
Glass is shattered from the fight
In this tug of war, you'll always win
Even when I'm right
'Cause you feed me fables from your hand
With violent words and empty threats
And it's sick that all these battles
Are what keeps me satisfied

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Ohhh, I love the way you lie

So maybe I'm a masochist
I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave
Til the walls are goin' up
In smoke with all our memories

It's morning, you wake, a sunray hits your face
Smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction
Hush baby, speak softly, tell me you'll be sorry
That you pushed me into the coffee table last night
So I can push you off me
Try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me
Run out the room and I'll follow you like a lost puppy

Baby, without you, I'm nothing, I'm so lost, hug me
Then tell me how ugly I am, but that you'll always love me
Then after that, shove me, in the aftermath of the
Destructive path that we're on, two psychopaths but we
Know that no matter how many knives we put in each other's backs
That we'll have each other's backs, 'cause we're that lucky
Together, we move mountains, let's not make mountains out of molehills,
You hit me twice, yeah, but who's countin'?
I may have hit you three times, I'm startin' to lose count
But together, we'll live forever, we found the youth fountain
Our love is crazy, we're nuts, but I refused counsellin'
This house is too huge, if you move out I'll burn all two thousand
Square feet of it to the ground, ain't shit you can do about it
With you I'm in my f-ckin' mind, without you, I'm out it

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Ohhh, I love the way you lie

Love the way you lie.

I never did, and I still don't, but I love you too much to let go of everything. Enough said.

This song, totally, exactly, describes what I'm going through.

I hate myself.

2.56am 16.1.2011

Unrequited Love

2011-01-10T23:37:00.004+08:00

Just a little something to distress before I go to bio.

Every single night, I have trouble sleeping. Because of so much unnecessary thinking. Thinking about stuffs that are happening, things that will happen in the future, things that will not happen, and so many other stuff, all, with you inside.

Its been a week :) in this week, I've been thinking a lot and I have realized a lot of things. Tonight, I learnt that, we humans, have to learn how to let go of something at one point in your life. I went through this once, and now I have to go through it again. It won't be easy. In fact I am struggling with all I have now. I did so much, but in the end, I still have to walk this journey alone.

This time of the year, last year, its just so different. Since its already like this, there's no turning back because I cannot rewind time, as much as I want to. You have no idea how much I want things to be like before, that I'm willing to sacrifice more. But time won't rewind itself, no matter what I do, so lets continue this okay? :) even if I have to go through this alone, it doesn't matter. Really. I hope you'll find yourself again. I'll be fine.

I know we're both tired. Lets just sleep, heeh. Ok?

I know you think I'm happy. I am, I am... =)

The love I have for you, is Unrequited Love.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unrequited_love

11.53am 10.1.2011

P.S. 11.1.11 in 7 more minutes! :D

Day to Remember

2011-01-08T02:08:00.005+08:00

So just 2 hours ago, the first Friday of the year ended. This post is meant to be posted on the 7th of January but I was having my dinner at around 12 something just now(yes, my hours are all haywire already) so couldn't make it in time to blog. Anyway, there is something to blog about so here goes :)

Dad went to Kayelle yesterday afternoon so yes yes yes, the Dmax is left for us to use :D I drove to sch this morning, picked Daphne and James as well because I've been following Daph's car for the past week ^^ It has been a few weeks since I last drove the Dmax and its "health" has deteriorated. Its very saddening. If only it was mine, I'd take good care of it. The remote control, the windows, the tyres, the brakes, idk :O

Ok whatever, went to school as usual.

After school, I used the Tuaran Bypass highway instead of the road leading to Damai. Daphne was sitting beside me, and James behind. On our way down, yes, there was this bloody Myvi in front of me, red in colour as well. Such a bitch lah, keep braking the whole way. Sikit2 pun mahu brake. Cannot drive properly don't cut in lah -.- so all the while I was behind her. Just a few meters passed City Mall, nearing the traffic light, she braked in a sudden, so I braked as well. Suddenly, I felt as if my car skidded and there was this noise. I thought I knocked her but noooo -.- so I was really confused. I didn't know what happen. It was as if a huge rock landed on top of us. Like James said, I also thought my tyres "exploded" or whatever but after that there was this huge thud. I jerked forward. And in my head I was like wtf wtf? I didn't take notice of the Myvi but it was gone already. Idk what exactly happened though. I just free-ed my gear straightaway, I think. Wait, I can't remember, but I remember off-ing the engine only after I got down. Ok nvm. Wait, let me recall omg. Erm, I think I looked at the rear mirror, and there was this Ninja behind me. I was so pissed that time. I didn't even know I got knocked. I went down the car, and his mudguard was dented in, his car plat number in pieces on the floor. I was like wtf? And when I saw mine... I shouted out WHAT THE HECK MAN, so loudly, although his one worse than mine LOL. Idk if he heard me but I was wtf the whole time. Thank God I was not alone. He came down, kinda smiling. Idk. From his look, I know he was sorry but I was, idk, angry? -.- So the first thing I think I said in chinese was, HOW? -.- then after that he was so so so nice, I felt, guilty already LOL. If he was nasty, I would have barked at him like a mad bitch lol. So we spoke, and both of us agreed that it was just a small matter and do not have to bring it to the police. He told me he braked, but he wasn't in time :/ luckily he wasn't speeding -.- if not it would have been worse. Called my mum and I told her, "mi ah, I kena accident oh" and her reaction was like "aiyo, how now?" she sounded so, like nothing happened -.- maybe because my dad is always like that so she's somewhat immune to it. She told me to call dad so I called him. I think he was having a meeting that time but he sounded so nice -.- i mean after all those months of silence, he wasn't mad at all, surprisingly. He just asked me whether it was bad or not, and I told him no. Then he said nvm lah, small thing only. And he too, sounded, like nothing happened. In fact, his voice was kinda jolly. Maybe because hes with people. Lmao.

That guy who knocked me was apparently Golden Valley's(a coffee shop near KKHS) owner LOL. And he happened to be my friend's dad. I was like lol, of all people. But he was really nice. I felt like I was the one being nasty XD We waited for his insurance agent or whatever to come to see if he could claim insurance. Before that, he said that it was nothing serious. We'll go to the workshop, get my car repaired and he'll just pay for it because its his fault. Its true, we could still drive our cars. And thank God I was driving the Dmax, not the bloody Myvi if not I think James would be a gone case and I cannot imagine how his mum would kill me LOL. Daphne jerked forward too and landed hard on the head rest so her neck slightly hurt but its fine now :)

So, if I were to get a new car, I'll never, get myself, a Perodua, or a small tiny car -.-

So lalala, hehehe. Everything was fine after that. After sending them home, I was supposed to go to the police station but in the end, called him up and I told him its okay, do not have to report. He then called me back and said okay as well, and asked me when I'm free, so that I could bring the Dmax over and he could repair it for me. All in all, he was just a very nice person. :)

I really thank God today, for making me drive the Dmax, and not the Myvi. Both of cars were big and high up so the impact wasn't that great + he wasn't driving that fast and he was such a nice person. Not like its my fault lah, but still I feel bad he has to repair it for me, because hes such a nice person. Not like he was on purpose right? But that ugly dent...will at least cost a few hundred bucks. My dad said its okay, wait till he gets back and see first. If its nothing serious guess we'll do it ourselves. Well, thank God nothing serious happened.

It was just a very, erm, how to say leh...erm, exciting? Shocking?..experience for me, lol. This is the second time I got hit behind in the Dmax. The first one was some guy, texting thats why he bumped into me and the whole car jerked forward -.- but that one nothing la, no dent. Maybe I'm extra excited this time because its my first being involved in something like this. It was like playing bumper cars. You get the feeling of getting hit by something? But only feel the impact seconds later? Yeap, it was something like that.

I swear I was practically laughing and screaming after it happened. Even James was like "gou ngong oh ni, accident also so happy lol" idk. When I think back also mahu ketawa oh. I have to say I kinda enjoyed it lolol but of course I sakit hati the car's dented lah :(

Well, that's definitely not gonna stop me from driving. Duhhh XD

Here are some pictures from the scene.

Its 3am! :D I still have homework from the last holidays and I MUST finish them up by this week, because I'm a week late past the due date -.-

I wish you were here so I could share and tell you everything, but you're not. Even if you're sitting next to me now, you're not mentally with me. I guess up to now, you still do not know what I want, and if you think I'm happy like this and that I'm enjoying myself, nevermind. I do not know what to do anymore. I give up waiting.

3.11am 8.1.2011

Ring ring

2011-01-04T20:53:00.004+08:00

This is a post for myself. So if you dont wanna read, dont read. Just dont say stuff you wanna let me hear after reading.

Just gotta say am loving my phone so much now. & I think its the only one standing now XDD

Just let me enjoy this moment will you guys?...until people start, getting it.

Me love me love me love. this world is now a world with trend and people start copyings. Uhm true. Tsk.

Ok random post lalala

Date for me to remember: 30.12.2010.

Oooh, its 5 days old XD

8.57pm 4.1.2011

2011-01-03T23:10:00.005+08:00

I tried keeping the peace, and I imagined peaceful days with you but just in a blink that imagination went away. Poof.

These days even tried apologizing even though its not my fault. But I put my stubborness aside and just did it anyway. That also, punishment or have to do stuff etc nvm also. But......

...... Why :( why are you selfish sometimes. Can you think of what im worrying? My thoughts? I guess not.

Anyway, it's the first day of school today and it wasn't very, fun. I have 5 undone biology tasks waiting for me, and yes, that is enough to make me go nuts. Plus you now.

Not in the mood to blog now. But anyway, my NYR was to study hard for A2, and just let it be, whatever happens that is. So, if we're gonna stay like that, God, You decide what to do for us because idk what else to do. And I'm tired.

And the most important thing of all this year, I want to be happy. Remember Mel? So okay do not think about it anymore. Just do what you're supposed to do ok?

I dread the 24th of Jan.

11.17pm 3.1.2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR BITCHES :D

2011-01-01T03:07:00.000+08:00

Ok I wanna sum up my New Year's Eve.

Had a crazy afternoon shouting, hitting, crying like mad. Wasted hours there. After that, he treated me pretty dinner at Little Italy, noms noms! Sooo nice D: Then, went over to CP. Wanted to watch The Tourist but we missed the time so we went to get him some new clothes for the new year. Got myself a mochafrap too :D Around 10, started driving around pointlessly like mad to wait for time to pass till my petrol went down two bars, TWO FREAKING BARS. For the first time in my history, KK was so, jammed. Even at 10, it was still jammed heading downtown. It never happened, never. Anyway, we went to Daph's place to surprise her but she wasn't home so we went to pick Pearl up. She took a long time, really. Like always. But nvmmm then after that rushed back to Daph's place. Bi went home to get his jeans first before that. After that, all of us went downtown again for the countdown opposite Promenade BUT SO JAMMED, NO PLACE so we detoured to Sutera. Although not clear but it was 5 minutes of fireworks! So so much better than last year. Last year? Dead. Screamed mad with bi, Pearl and Daphne XD cars honking right at 12, as a means of wishing each other Happy New Year XD then after the fireworks, went over to Times Square to see what it was like on New Year's Eve. MAD CRAZY. Lol. Went inside Chocolate Factory for the first time and I LIKED IT. Music sooo loud, louder than Firefly's butttt KICK. The bass -.- omg. Firefly had to open tables till the outside omg haha. I like the lead singer. Why? Not because he can sing, but he looks so much like USHERR XD Sooo packed. Whiteroom was, idk, it seemed boring. There was a TV near the counter or whatever, we could see it from the outside since it was glass walls. And guess what was on the channel? NEWS from ESPN lmaooooooo. Brought Daphne into Choc Factory and we girls were like BWAKAKAKAKA XDDDD wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee overload -.- XDD but seriously, it was fun HAHAHA. That few minutes gave me the adrenaline rush. Btw, mum called me right at 12am and screamed HAPPY NEW YEAR LMAO. Like so ngong ni XD for the first time uhhuh XD

Kinda regretted for not planning to club tonight. Well it was a day with lotsa ups and downs but whatever it is I enjoyed the beginning of the new year :) with bi, pearl, daphne. Wish melia was here then we could share the happiness as well but im sure all of our hearts are somehow connected.

Well I hope 2011 will be a good year for me, I really hope so.

Happy New Year lovely people! With love, MEL.

3.07am 1.1.2011

1.1 years

2010-12-29T16:14:00.004+08:00

Its a month past my 18th birthday :) and also another monthsary, but I guess you don't care :)

Well its alright, I'm learning to live with it since I cannot do anything about it. After all, its been a year already, what else is there to say. Some people cherish little things, some people don't. Unfortunately, this little thing is nothing to you.

3 more days to the New Year! Can't wait for it but at the same time, I want time to slow down a bit, because I'm still not ready for sch, not done with homework, and still have so many things not done.

101 Dalmatians on 413 in 15 mins :D

4.18pm 29.12.2010

2010-12-27T23:06:00.002+08:00

Hey, all I wanted was to talk. Talk. Is it that hard? Hmmm. I guess it is.

Nvm, I can start learning from here, since you want me to learn so much.

Confessions

2010-12-26T03:03:00.005+08:00

After reading some stuff, I feel like, super bad again. I have to admit I suck. I suck so much. I'm a bad girl. A bad bad girl. A bitch. Hee. Really.

Its true. I just want to leave this place and start all over again. I wish I could do it all over again.

I've felt that kinda pain before, why am I doing this?

Maybe I always stalk you because I feel guilty. I do.

Although I didn't do some things that you thought I did, I understand.

Why did I do that? Honestly, I didn't know why. Why? Maybe because I wanted to feel what it felt like? Did I? Really? No way but there's one thing I know. I'll feel this way forever, maybe. I hope you'll forget it in years to come, and me too.

Maybe I got treated like this this evening because of this afternoon :| ok I accept it. Someday, maybe Karma will hit me again, and maybe the same thing will happen, but I'll just accept it. Its my, punishment.

Don't worry. I'll never go there anymore :)

I know it doesn't make a difference now but, Sorry, I truly am.

3.24am 26.12.2010

Happening Day

2010-12-23T01:10:00.003+08:00

Today is indeed a very very happening day.

In the morning as planned last minute yesterday night, I went for christmas shopping with Daphne. We first went to Wisma, walked around for about half an hour but went to CP instead after that. I never knew there were so many boutiques selling nice dresses with good prices! Now I know where to go ;) enjoyed myself. I just wished I had a little bit more cash to splash around so I can fully enjoy myself. I used my handphone money, again :( sigh.

One thing, it has been almost 2 solid years since I went real shopping, seriously. I also malu mau tell you people. So, abnormal.

See, as a girl, how spoilt can I be man? I wonder. -____- mum nag like mad somemore. She should be thankful LOL! Seriously okay :P

Btw Melia, I bought myself 2 dresses, 2 tops for him for christmas, some stupid nose stud which I can't even put on now because the batang is too bloody thick, a new mouse to replace my cacat mouse and serum! :P see nothing much one la, hahaha so, nothing to be envied about. We go shopping together la one fine day! ;) hehehe.

Sigh I wanna get my phone so badly by the new year but I think I'll have to wait :( sigh. 1.1.2010 is such a good date for a new phone z.

Went back home after a few hours, gamed as usual etc. Then I called bi because he was supposed to be home since it was past 5. So I called him and asked why didn't he call me blablabla. It was really noisy, couldnt hear what he was saying at first and then the line got cut. Then I called again and he said he got into a car accident. I was like wtf, stop joking around bah. But he said he wasn't, and the accident is just on the highway in front of my house. I looked out of the window, saw nothing but rushed straight out and indeed the scene was so...

The thing is, when I took pics, my hand was even shivering. He was in shock, poor thing :( sigh. He really gave me a big big shock, big time. I was afraid he was gonna lose his memory and forget me yadayada -.-

Both cars badly wrecked. I don't think his can make it? Sakit lo. Anyway, thank God he's fine. Just a sprained neck and a bruised forehead. He's kinda traumatized now so, one more task this holiday, babysit him.

I guess I won't be celebrating christmas this year :( just gonna stay home and try to figure out how to cook soup or whatever it is for him -.- I hope we can make it for New Year's Eve's countdown tho! :(

Gonna go train a little bit, kinda sleepy already because I didn't nap the whole day yay! :D Gonna use Bone la :P chiaaaoooo!

P.S. Japanese Cotton Cheesecake? ME LOVE.

1.25am 23.12.2010

Dots dots dots

2010-12-22T04:11:00.002+08:00

Ok needa get a new mouse tomorrow wtf. I reinstalled dota and garena and when I started playing, I realized I couldn't attack -.- NO RIGHT CLICK LOL, fail.

Anyway, bro taught me how to use Enchantress and Lina. I saw Enchantress the other day and it was quite attractive. Not bad, I like her healing! :) her ulti not bad also ngekngek. Used Lina next because she looked pretty @.@ and also really not bad. Easy to use. I like her stun, fire but her ulti uses too much mana sigh. Ok whee not bad for the first night.

Gotta go sleep now, its 4.15am. Wanna go "shopping" with Daphne tomorrow :D hehehehe. See ya guys wheee :)

P.S. My holiday's so lame but, I prefer it than school -.- which is starting in less than 2 weeks time and I have 8 Biology tasks to do SHIT.

4.16am 22.12.2010

I Just Had Sex? LOL

2010-12-21T02:36:00.003+08:00

Omg people. Just had to share it with you guys first before it gets "popular" -___-
OKAY THE TITLE OF MY BLOGPOST IS THE SONG'S TITLE OK? By Akon. Lmao.
The lyrics are so idk, way beyond absurd. The song sounds good but... I wonder if it will ever get on top 20 of hitz LOL. Must be lots of cutting -.- but again, i dont think so. I dont think they'll air the song gua? -.-

Lol. This song is funny. Especially the ending. Jessica Alba is in it but like wth? LOL. She gone nuts in it. And they had fireworks, coming out from there.

At first, my friend posted it as his status. And I was what does sex have to do with Akon? Because he typed it this way "I just had sex...akon". Uhhhuh. Then another friend of mine posted the song up on facebook, and I listened to it. LOL big time.

2.40am 21.12.2010

2010-12-20T01:18:00.001+08:00

All that ever matter was your calls. But you still made me sadder after that. Shows how much you can sadden me, to the infinity. You never gave in. That was where you went wrong.

I have no tears left babe.

Holidays... what?

2010-12-19T17:30:00.003+08:00

My holidays suck, very much so far. Lol. I wish I was at Penang D: or KL! :(

First day, morning was good. Feeling all jolly because we were gonna go out. I was sleeping, waiting for him to finish work so we can go gai gai in the afternoon around 4pm. He finished work at noon, went back to take a nap, so I woke up around 3, got myself ready and everything but at the last minute, something came up thanks to his attitude. Totally ruined the whole day after that. Idk what to do, really. Well, just my luck. Just why won't you be reasonable. Sigh.

Today's the second, and I woke up at nearly 4pm. It was raining cats and dogs before that, because the rain was splashing so crazily at my window -.- i just got up to make sure the window was closed and went back to sleep. Gawd I feel so bored now. Sigh. I might go to the hospital and accompany Pearl later, all the way at Kingfisher -___-

Uhhuh, the degree of boredom.

Idk what I'm gonna do the next 2 weeks. Exactly 2 weeks of hols till sch reopens on the 3rd.

I don't wanna sleep my holidays off :( sigh. Why must this happen to me. Maybe I'll just be like the nerds, do pre-reading, and finish up Biology, and re-study AS incase I'll have to re-sit blabla omg. I wish I was like them, then I won't have to think so much.

Sigh. I just hope 2011 will be a better year for me. Please dear God. My heart needs the rest.

Found this on Tumblr.

All I ever wanted was just to be happy :(

5.42pm 19.12.2010

2010-12-19T01:24:00.001+08:00

Mmmm ..... Mmmmm.... Yeah....Mmmmm....Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
Mmmm...Yeah....Mmmm..... Yeah, Yeah

[Verse 1:]

Baby I just don't get it
Do you enjoy being hurt?
I know you smelled the perfume, the make-up on his shirt
You don't believe his stories
You know that they're all lies
Bad as you are, you stick around and I just don't know why

If I was ya man (baby you)
Never worry bout (what I do)
I'd be coming home (back to you)
Every night, doin' you right
You're the type of woman (deserves good thangs)
Fistful of diamonds (hand full of rings)
Baby you're a star (I just want to show you, you are)

[Chorus:]

You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me love you, love you, love you

[Verse 2:]

Listen
Your true beauty's description looks so good that it hurts
You're a dime plus ninety-nine and it's a shame
Don't even know what you're worth
Everywhere you go they stop and stare
Cause you're bad and it shows
From your head to your toes, Out of control, baby you know

If I was ya man (baby you)
Never worry bout (what I do)
I'd be coming home (back to you)
Every night doin' you right
You're the type of woman (deserves good thangs)
Fistful of diamonds (hand full of rings)
Baby you're a star (I just want to show you, you are)

[Chorus:]

You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Ooh Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me....

[Bridge:]

You deserve better girl (you know you deserve better)
We should be together girl (baby)
With me and you it's whatever girl, hey!
So can we make this thing ours?

[Chorus:]

You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me love you, love you, love you

[repeat til it ends (about 3 times)]

[Mario (talking):]
Let me love you that's all you need baby

This song just saddens me more. It is now nothing but a sweet memory. A memory that cost me so much.

Happy Holidays, NOT

2010-12-18T17:33:00.002+08:00

My holidays started today :)

but... :)

I wish so so much, with all my heart, that I can let go, not look back, and not feel a single pain :)

2010-12-07T03:21:00.002+08:00

Just one simple question which I've never asked before :)

Am I your priority?

Priorities

2010-12-05T13:54:00.003+08:00

I'm gonna set my priorities right. A2 has already started for a week. I really do not have the heart to do this at all, in fact, I feel like just dropping out from school, stop my course, and just rot at home everyday or do something else instead of school but as much as I want to, I have to focus, which is going to be a very hard thing to do. I don't want to be a useless person, because the only thing I can do right is going to be studying. The rest are, zeros. I don't have any special talents, don't play any instruments good, what more sports and not an expertise in art, designing or anything at all. I don't want to screw A2 like how I screwed AS up, and if I'm going to be re-sitting AS which will most probably happen, I'll have to work double. Double, big time.

Weekdays, all for work, and no play. Saturday, a day where I can just relax and do nothing related to work, I think Yen Ai's gonna be great and Sunday, my weekly revision. Great. Which I am gonna start now before its too late again. Idk how those people can study 24/7 and not get out of the house, watch movies, go on fb, having no social life at all, etc. Some do not even know what shows are out(yay i'm in the category now since AS happened hahaha) or even the very very famous ones people are talking about. Sigh. Sometimes I wish I was that geeky -___- I'm gonna make it work I hope. Being a loner is one of the things that will help me.

I've never studied consistently besides doing last minute studying, ALL THE TIME, before exams. & I'm really sick of it. So sick.

I wish you were here with me, but you're gone, and there's nothing I can do but to accept the fact.

Chemistry and Math now(which I purely hate), because I wanna watch Love Happens tonight at 9pm on HBO!

2.07pm 5.12.2010

Time flies

2010-12-03T23:24:00.002+08:00

I was going through my private blog I created years back for some personal reasons and I came across this.

It was posted on the 12th of March, 2008. Around 2 and a half years pass that date already :)

Things im gonna do before 18 or okay, before SPM perhaps? Haha! (In time for prom. =P)
a) My hair.
- it has to be long and well, max/min is above my belly button. You know where those girls wear short pants and singlets, with their hair dangling all over? i just love it! =D Well, wavy or straight, see how la. i think they'll suit me fine? hahaha!
b) My teeth.
- bottom has to be straight, upper has to be in line! Erm, its currently siding to the left a bit and yeah, i want it to be something like Jacyntha's/Alister's/Goh Wan Ching's if you know them. it'll come true i guess because im going to get them done right after i get back to kk!
c) My eyes.
- well i cant really do anything about them unless i go have plastic surgery but that's definitely a NO. I will just stick to my COLOUREDcontact lenses. hahaha. hope my power doesnt go too far from where it is now.
d) My lips.
- well, i love them. xD
e) My nose.
- errrr...nothing much about it but if i could or dare, i'd pierce it! LOL.
f) My hands and legs.
- Get waxing done if its uncontrollable! HAHA! im serious.
g) Eat more! I need the kilograms!

This was part of the post.

HAHAHA. Omg i've done most of it! I've only left one out, which is waxing XD

a) My hair -

I'm proud to say my hair is now over my belly button and the longest strand is somewhere at the butt line? x)

b) My teeth -

I'm also proud to say that I've wore braces and even completed the whole course. My tiger tooth is no longer up there and all of em are straight. But now I've lost my upper retainer which is the 3rd time now. I hope it'll remain this way, please.

c) My eyes -

The power, I forgot how high it was back then but I don't think it has increased much ;) and yes, still with coloured lenses. I'm gonna do eye laser surgery years after this post, hopefully.

d) My lips -

No comment x)

e) My nose -

Uhhuh. I'm also proud to say my nose is pierced already! The third time too mind you ;)

f) My hands and legs -

This one, not yet. AFTER A2 OKAY! x)

g) I HAVE ANY KILOGRAMS ALREADY. I JUST WANNA CUT THEM EXCESS FATS AWAY NOW T____T (this is not very, amazing after all. you dont wanna be fat if you're thin now, trust me)

Its amazing how time flies, and now everything's different :)

Not that much but, still :)

11.32pm 3.12.2010

18th Birthday Bash :D

2010-12-02T23:55:00.005+08:00

For my 18th birthday which was on the 28th of Nov, I celebrated it by having a sleepover at Tang Dynasty for 3 days and 2 nights. Since I was turning 18, the countdown was at Firefly. I'm finally legal! :D

No longer underage whee whee. Actually being 18, isn't really different. I just feel more comfy when I enter clubs x) I can now enter even if they check my IC muahahaha.

But I doubt I will enter clubs often even if I'm legalized already. I don't enjoy myself 100%. :/ I don't dance, cuz I dance like chicken, and most importantly, I don't drink -.-

Here are some of the photos from that night ;)

Yeap, its back to bangs again :D

More over at Facebook! ;) its too many, cant upload em all.

Anyway, thank you once more to those who called! texted! wished! came! and celebrated my big day with me! I love you guys.

And last but not least, Happy Anniversary baby! xx

12.21am 3.12.2010

爱一个人不要超过八分... 我爱, 过了八分, 让你懒惰了

2010-12-02T17:20:00.004+08:00

爱的感觉，总是在一开始觉得很甜蜜，

总觉得多一个人陪、多一个人帮你分担，

你终於不再孤单了，至少有一个人想著你、

恋著你，不论做什么事情，

只要能一起，就是好的....

...

....但是慢慢的，随著彼此的认识愈深，

你开始发现了对方的缺点，

於是问题一个接著一个发生，

你开始烦、累，甚至想要逃避，

有人说爱情就像在捡石头，

总想捡到一个适合自己的，

但是你又如何知道什么时候能够捡到呢？

他/她适合你，那你又适合他/她吗?

其实，爱情就像磨石子一样，

或许刚捡到的时候，你不是那么的满意，

但是记住人是有弹性的，

很多事情是可以改变的，

只要你有心、有勇气，

与其到处去捡未知的石头，

还不如好好的将自己已经拥有的石头磨亮，你开始磨了吗？

很多人以为是因为感情淡了，

所以人才会变得懒惰。

错！

其实是人先被惰性征服，

所以感情才会变淡的。

在某个聚餐的场合，

有人提议多吃点虾对身体好，

这时候有个中年男人忽然说「十年前，当我老婆还是我的女朋友的时候,她说要吃十只虾，我就剥二十只给她！

现在，如果她要我帮她剥虾壳，开玩笑！我连帮她脱衣服都没兴趣了，还剥虾壳咧！」

听到了吗？明白了吗？

难怪越来越多人只想要谈一辈子的恋爱，

却迟迟不肯走入婚姻。

因为，婚姻容易让人变得懒惰。

如果每个人都

懒得讲话、

懒得倾听、

懒得制造惊喜、

懒得温柔体贴，

那么夫妻或是情人之间，

又怎么会不渐行渐远渐无声呢？

*所以请记住：

有活力的爱情，

是需要适度殷勤灌溉的，

谈恋爱，更是不可以偷懒的喔!

有一对情侣，相约下班後去用餐、逛街，

可是女孩因为公司会议而延误了，

当她冒著雨赶到的时候已经迟到了30多分钟，

他的男朋友很不高兴的说：

你每次都这样，现在我甚么心情也没了，

我以後再也不会等你了！

刹那间，女孩终於决堤崩溃了，

她心里在想：或许，他们再也没有未来了

同样的在同一个地点，另一对情侣也面临同样的处境；

女孩赶到的时候也迟到了半个钟头，

他的男朋友说：「我想你一定忙坏了吧！」

接著他为女孩拭去脸上的雨水，并且脱去外套盖在女孩身上，

此刻，女孩流泪了

但是流过她脸颊的泪却是温馨的。

你体会到了吗？

其实爱、恨往往只是在我们的一念之间！

爱不仅要懂得宽容更要及时，

很多事可能只是在於你心境的转变罢了！

懂了吗？

当有个人爱上你，而你也觉得他不错。

那并不代表你会选择他。

我们总说：「我要找一个自己很爱很爱的人，才会谈恋爱。」

但是当对方问你，怎样才算是很爱很爱的时候，

你却无法回答他，因为你自己也不知道。

没错，我们总是以为，我们会找到一个自己很爱很爱的人。

可是後来，当我们猛然回首，我们才会发觉自己曾经多么天真。

假如从来没有开始，你怎么知道自己会不会很爱很爱那个人呢？

其实，很爱很爱的感觉，是要在一起经历了许多事情之後才会发现的。

或许每个人都希望能够找到自己心目中百分之百的伴侣，

但是你有没有想过『在你身边会不会早已经有人默默对你付出很久了，只是你没发觉而已呢？』

所以，还是仔细看看身边的人吧！他或许已经等你很久了

当你爱一个人的时候，爱到八分绝对刚刚好。

所有的期待和希望都只有七八分；剩下两三分用来爱自己。

如果你还继续爱得更多，很可能会给对方沉重的压力，让彼此喘不过气来，

完全丧失了爱情的乐趣。

所以请记住，

喝酒不要超过六分醉，

吃饭不要超过七分饱，

爱一个人不要超过八分

如果你也正在为爱迷惘，或许下面这段话可以给你一些启示：

爱一个人，要了解，也要开解；

要道歉，也要道谢；

要认错，也要改错；

要体贴，也要体谅；

是接受，而不是忍受；

是宽容，而不是纵容；

是支持，而不是支配；

是慰问，而不是质问；

是倾诉，而不是控诉；

是难忘，而不是遗忘；

是彼此交流，而不是凡事交代；

是为对方默默祈求，

而不是向对方诸多要求；

可以浪漫，但不要浪费；

`*不要随便牵手，

`*更不要随便放手

December coming up in 2 minutes!

2010-11-30T23:52:00.004+08:00

Its just a few days after my birthday, the anniversary and its gonna be a new month tomorrow. I've apologized over such a small thing. Not like it was on purpose and how much harm can 'wth' do to you? Face face face. If you still want to bare grudge and ignore me for that, then I guess there's nothing I can do. I won't even try anymore. How I apologized? Heartless much? What's yours before then? Have I ever said anything when all you write is just 'sorry' without any punctuations at all. Who's heartless?

Whatever it is, I told myself that I will change after this one year and I'm trying to stick to it. If apologizing ain't enough, and you feel better treating me this way, then, suit yourself.

I dont wanna flood my blog about me being pathetic anymore, because you'll never appreciate no matter what I do.

Oh well Happy December everyone! :)

11.57pm 30.11.2010

2010-11-29T23:26:00.002+08:00

My 18th birthday was yesterday! And school reopened today :(

Time flies and I really have no time to upload so many photos because it'll take me ages and blogging of course so, I'll only be updating my blog this weekend and of course them photos! :D

Till then! I wanna go do some revision. I HAVE TO start now. Can't screw A2 like how I screwed AS D:

11.28 29.11.2010

Countdown

2010-11-24T00:11:00.004+08:00

Did nothing much today but I still had fun, and the reason is, you :)

I sent out my invitations yesterday and, I'm quite disappointed. I really thank those who replied. Well. Its so mind boggling. Actually, I've thought of not asking anymore but because he's/she's a close friend so I just asked, again. Private text. & I sent TWO messages. Yet till now, its almost a day, but still, no reply. It upsets me, it does. But its okay, I won't ask anymore. If I do, it'll be the third and a half-th time.

It'll be here in a few days time and I just wanna really enjoy myself without feeling emo and all. I'm already excited x) I hope everything will turn out smoothly, thats all. After all, its been years and years since I've really planned anything :)

12.22am 24.11.2010

2010-11-22T08:45:00.002+08:00

Omg, slept at 5am, woke up at 7am just only. Gonna have my breakfast mum bought back for me early this morning, find tv programmes while eating, do my chores that I was supposed to do months ago, and I guess I'm gonna be blogging later and HAVE REVENGE to those who have attacked me in Backyard Monsters for the past few weeks!

I hope I won't be bored again :(

Yeah, my third day of holidays and I'm this lifeless. Lawl

8.47am 22.11.2010

2010-11-22T01:16:00.002+08:00

You think I'm used to it? :)

You don't know a thing. You think I'm used to it already, but the fact is really this, I'm just struggling so hard inside, to get used to it. So so, hard.

Every night, I feel the same way. I wait for you to get up from your nap, I wait for you to text me before dinner, after dinner, and whether you're home, what you're up to and hopefully you'll come find me or something. Its the same thing, every single night. I know it can get boring, but I don't think it that way, no. If you do not text me, I'll be wondering what you're doing and stuff, and I cannot really help it, can I? But if I text you too much, or maybe, annoy you, you'll ask me to understand, ask me not to be so 'ye man', etc. What else can I do? So this time, I'm not gonna reply anymore. It's so so hard but I have no choice. I'm trying to do this, and I don't wanna start all over again, because I'm afraid I'll cry again tomorrow night, just because you do not text me.

I know, I'm so pathetic.

Its been Night 3 since I cried like fuck. Its exactly a week more and I don't wanna cry anymore, even if I have to celebrate it all by myself.

Don't worry, I'll try. I'll try to be happy. Just take care of yourself.

1.31am 22.11.2010

Quotes?

2010-11-20T14:17:00.002+08:00

"When you truly love someone, their mistakes never changes your feelings. Mainly because it’s the mind that gets angry, but the heart still loves them. :)"

"The best part of a relationship, is getting to call the person, or lay down next to them, and tell them all the crazy things that happened
to you all day long. In the end that’s what it’s about. It’s not about
sex, it’s not about the money they give you, it’s not about how good
looking they are, it’s about them listening to you talk for hours and
hours and hours, about stupid shit that doesn’t matter. its true."

By Farhan. All so true, especially the second one. Too bad you will never understand, because you're not a girl.

Now that I see this, I think that is why there are lesbians. And I think I understand why, and...I don't blame them. At least they'll understand their other half better :)

2010-11-19T00:45:00.002+08:00

Drowning in my thoughts tonight, like any other ordinary night. I forgot when was the last time I felt really happy. I feel so pathetic now. And I know some of you think the same way too, but, I really can't help it. Its taking control of me. I really wish I had a strong heart, so I wouldn't cry, because, crying is actually a very painful process. I want. to. stop. crying. :(

I feel so unimportant. Worse part is, you proved it. Idk how to describe it. It seems like the more I text you, the more you get annoyed. Or to be exact, the more demanding I am. How can that be? Has the world gone wrong? What is this without any communication or whatsoever? I hate this, I really do. And if I don't text you, I feel like dying. Let alone waiting endlessly the whole night. And again, now. And again, almost every night till tonight and I can't keep it in anymore.

Chemistry's tomorrow, but I'm not giving a fuck. I know I'm failing it. Just can't wait for it to be over, have fun at night, and take all these sickly thoughts away from me.

Maybe all will be over, in a week's time. I just pray that You'll give me the strength, to stay strong, focused, and guide me, to do the thing I ought to do. Its the last thing I can do.

12.52am 19.11.2010

12 11 10

2010-11-13T03:04:00.003+08:00

Had fun tonight, I really did. With all that laughing, talking, and just being plain crazy, I really got all my doubts, worries, sorrow and everything bad, away. He 'stalked' me again, hahah, and it added onto the fun. It's like wherever I am, he'll be there :)

I'll feel safe again. Yet when I'm away from him, I can't cure my insecureness.

Right now, I just feel so tired, thinking and thinking whether he did it or not. I am really so lost. I think I have to solve this once and for all.

Just remember this people. Trust, once betrayed, takes forever to build again. What more twice, thrice, or even more? Sigh. I really wish I could trust again. But I can't. So I'm gonna let myself free and since I cannot let myself free this way, I'll try another way.

Because I'm human, I just wanna laugh again, without doubts :)

3.07am 13.12.2010

12 11 10

2010-11-13T03:04:00.001+08:00

Right now, I just feel so tired, thinking and thinking whether he did it or not. I am really so lost. I think I have to solve this once and for all.

Because I'm human, I just wanna laugh again, without doubts :)

#500

2010-11-12T03:20:00.002+08:00

Just finished watching Masterchef for the first time, back to back episodes and it was SO SO GOOD! Omg, I'm starting to have an urge to learn how to cook -_-

So many different dishes you can make out of ONE main ingredient. Waaa so interesting.

Anyway, it'll be so nice if I could just sit down, lay back, watch BNTM, ANTM and Masterchef continuously, with you by my side :)

2010-11-09T19:34:00.001+08:00

A note shared by a friend :)

１。向新朋友介绍女友时，请搂着她的腰，而不是站在一旁用手指点。

２。在街上遇见美女凝视时间不超过５秒，和迅速指出那位美女与她相比较的美中不足

３。如果她做错了事，心里已经很难过，请主动承担起你应该甚至不应该承担的责任吧。

４。听女友话的男人才会有出息，所以，你要乖乖听她的话。

５。她可以欺负你，但你绝对不可以欺负她，因为她虽然欺负你，但是每次有什么好东西，她第一个想到的就是你！

６。要是她朝你哭，你要不厌其烦地哄她，直到她破涕为笑！

７。把她的照片帖到钱包，手机……一切经常看到的地方。

８。离开她绝对不超过十天以上

９。在她的朋友面前，希望你可以表现得比平时更疼爱她和紧张她的样子。

１０。大男人不表示霸道。

１１。温柔不等于没主见。

１２。潇洒不等于没交代

１３。不要老是在我问她“去那里比较好”，“吃什么”等等的时候说“随便”，这不等于是你在迁就她，只表示你没有心思搭理她。

１４。要经常对她说“我爱你”，否则她会假设你不爱她

１５。永远不要在公众场合对她呼呼吼吼又或是撇下她一人。

１６。她做错事情的时候教训她不要紧，最重要的是在那之后要哄她。

１７。发脾气时不要不理她，不要给时间她让她冷静，其实她完全不需要时间冷静。

１８。可以陪自己的朋友，但一定要重色轻友。

１９。她看动画片，你不但不准笑话她，还要跟她一起看。

２０。在她想你时，争分夺秒地挤出时间与她约会

２１。看她的眼神无比专注。

２２。说话的语气情深意长。

２３。能做到客观的得看到其它优秀的女孩，但主观认为她才是最好的

２４。有女孩和你说话，你要拉着她的手，如 ∏刹辉谂员撸敲辞肽愀潜３志嗬搿？# ３２；

２５。过马路的时候牵着她的手。

２６。要懂得珍惜和她在一起的每分钟。

２７。就算再忙，每天都不忘打一个问候的电话

２８。要常常唱情歌给她听。

２９。两个人都有发火的权利，但不能同一天，如果那一天她发火了，那你就不可以发火了。

３０。女友生活中不顺心，你要循循善诱、帮忙分析，提出建设性方案若干

３１。要非常爱你的女友——她，坚决拥护女友的决定，服从女友的领导。

３２。留意其它女生不得超过５秒钟，看同一女生累计不得超过５次。

３３。即使全世界的人都不相信她，你也要无条件相信她。因为她也会同样对你。

３４。她穿了好看的衣服，你要衷心赞美。

３５。严禁在女士（３岁－８０岁）面前耍贫，放电。若有违反，视情节严重程度，由女友从严、从快进行严厉打击，任何人、任何形式的狡辩，抵赖都将按妨碍司法公正论处。

３６。不抽烟。一经发现立即开除。

３７。与女友吵架每次陈述不得超过３分钟（含），音量不得超过２０分贝（含）。

３８。要加强锻炼，强健身体，一口气抱她上到五楼

３９。在她心情遭透，蛮横发脾气的时候，抱抱她，而不是和她理论。

４０。希望不会出现手机没电而她又没有其它办法联系到你的现象，如果能频频主动打电话告诉她“我想你了”和随时汇报行踪则更好。

４１。她身上有很多缺点，她已经够苦恼了，请不必随时向她提醒。

４２。女友不讲理是撒娇而不是撒野。

４３。她所有的事情都好想跟你分享、虽然你不一定会明白但是希望你会装做你在听。

４４。最重要的一点：要永远认为女友是对的。因为，她是最爱你的。

2010-11-09T17:20:00.003+08:00

Honestly, I have no comment on the mentality of some people. Seriously. These are the people I'll never want to mix with because I know, I'll definitely be scolding them or arguing with them all day long. People saying things that make me laugh, literally. I'm not saying I'm the cleverest being on earth but I think you'd also be like "wtf man, lol" if you know what it is about. To you people, it might not be a big thing but to me, it's being dumb enough to see something DIE just like that.

Well, she didn't do anything to offend me, at all. But I'm really amused at the way she thinks. It just tells me that there are a lot of people in this world, that are just so, ignorant. Not dumb you know, but so... idk. I tell you, I would have debated with her the whole day long, but she wouldn't get it. She'll just stay in her own world trying to defend herself and she's just a friend so nevermind, I'll just accept that they are people like this and shut up :D

I truly wish I could save all the animals in the world.

5.29pm 9.11.2010

天下没有怕不怕老婆的人, 只有, 尊不尊重老婆的人...

2010-11-09T04:24:00.003+08:00

I saw this on facebook, a chinese note written by someone, shared by Judith.

& I was wondering, that lady must be the happiest woman on earth.

老婆说一。。。。我不说二。。。。

老婆说对。。。。我不说错。。。。

老婆花钱。。。。我不反对。。。。

老婆出去。。。。我会陪她。。。。

老婆在化妆。。。。我会等。。。。

老婆打我。。。。我不还手。。。。。

老婆去逛街。。。。我不说累。。。。

老婆要看戏。。。。我不转台。。。。

老婆叫我睡。。。。我就去睡。。。。

老婆不给钱。。。。我没意见。。。。

老婆睡不着。。。。我陪她数绵羊。。。。

老婆不开心。。。。我就哄她开心。。。。

老婆上菜。。。。我会吃到赞不绝口。。。。

老婆叫我早点回。。。。我就早点回。。。。

老婆要我所有的密码。。。。我都给。。。。

老婆吃不完的东西。。。。我会帮她吃完。。。。

老婆发短信息给我。。。。我一定打回给她。。。。

很多人都说我很怕老婆。。。

其实我不是怕老婆。。。

而是尊重我的老婆。。。

天下没有怕不怕老婆的人。。。。

只有。。。。

尊不尊重老婆的人。。。。。

I only have a word, 赞.

4.30am 9.11.2010

分手1天后、1周后、1個月、1季、半年、1年

2010-11-08T01:30:00.002+08:00

分手1天后

假若我们相遇

我会看着你的眼睛

用泪水告诉你

不愿意看你离去

只要你回头

重新开始多少次我都愿意

........

分手1周后

假若我们相遇

我不知所措

直到你消失在人群里

我才知道

这个夜晚陪伴我的

只剩下哭泣

........

分手1个月

假若我们相遇

我会掉转眼光

假装没有看见你

却在心中升起希望

希望听到你叫我的声音

听见我每晚魂牵梦绕的声音

.........

分手1季了

假若我们相遇

我会停下脚步

静静地站在街角

不想被你的快乐看见我的哀伤

已经注定的结局

好不容易平复下来的心情

不想再被打扰

.........

分手已经半年

假若我们相遇

打招呼的表情可以是淡定

心里涌起的

却还是深深的惋惜

也许还有恨

是爱情留下的痕迹

..........

分手后1年

我依然希望和你相遇

想让你看到

没有你的日子

我也可以活得愉快

想让你告诉我

你也很好

即使没有我在你打你生命里

...........

最后

世界一圈圈旋转

时间一天天继续

我们告诉自己

多苦多痛

明天也一定会来临

以前的过往谁会在意

没有人在意……

科学家说不管多么深刻的伤痛

只需7年都会痊愈

因为7年的时间

可以把我们全身的细胞都更换一边

一个旧细胞都没有

每一天的坚持都是一种进步

每过一天

那些想念你的细胞就会死掉一些

总有一天

会干干净净！

宝贝，我想如果我们分手了，我会再等7年，然后才开始一段新的关系。我希望我能保持强劲...从头再来.

removed the post before this...

2010-11-01T03:35:00.002+08:00

because i viewed through my albums again... and i missed how times used to be. i wish time didnt pass so fast.

This too, shall pass :)

2010-10-22T16:22:00.002+08:00

I think my tolerance and endurance has reached its limit. I'm sure yours has reached the limit too. Lets break free :)

Luck was never on my side, never.

2010-10-22T01:46:00.004+08:00

Yeap, time flies. Chemistry Practical and Biology Practical are over. Both sucked equally bad. Well idk what to say, my feelings are in between.

For Chemistry, I thought that it was okay. I didn't really do any stupid mistakes except for leaving those idk blank and that my writing was like pure chicken shit. Seriously. It was definitely way better than trials! Thank God no heat questions came out. I hoped I nailed the calculations that cost 5 marks for question 1. I really kinda get the hang of it after reading thru my lab manuals but no practice. Hopefully I did not do any mistakes. The rest, aiya I can afford to lose lah afterall they were way too complicated for my puny brain to understand or even absorb.

As for Biology, sigh. Idk. Somehow I felt slightly more troubled than Chemistry. I felt that trials was easier for Bio. I thought that the serial dilution thingy would come out thats why I went over it and finally got it right. Luck is never on my side, never. & the eyepiece graticule thingy also didn't come out. Instead some sucky milk coagulation thingy came out. I know I am kinda supposed to perform the experiment few times for each temperature but pls! Where got time and where can we maintain the temperature! Stupid water needed and waste of time. Still, it was way better than Question 2. AHH WHY PLANTS DIDN'T COME OUT, SO MAD. Zzz. Instead some we were to draw some tubular organ with lumen. That nvm, but it made me confused because I kept wondering why the endothelium was so THICK. Nvm again. Stupid Cell X and Cell Y! Grr. WORST OF ALL, the calculation for the stupid effin NUCLEOLI. I think I wasn't fully awake from that sleep during quarantine thats why I did such a stupid mistake. :( Really stupid. It was supposed to be 0.2cm but idk what got into me like nuts, I wrote it as 0.2mm. At that moment, I kept thinking if its smaller than 1cm then it has to be mm. 0.1-0.9mm. WTF MAN. I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT 0.1CM - 0.9CM LOL. Damn. Idk what the heck was I thinking! As if I've never used a ruler before!? LOL -.- when i think about it also...speechless. (I KNOW I KNOW, CALL ME DUMBO.) That maybe cost me 1 or 2 marks out of the 4 marks for that question :(( Sigh. And I hated the compare and contrast part too. Ugh. I'd say trials was easier. I don't think I can get marks as 'good' as I got for trials -.-

Sigh. 3 papers down! 5 more papers to go! Only 8 papers, compared to SPM, so much lesser right? But also so much tougher because I 'care' about my results, this time. lol.

Next paper - CHEMISTRY PAPER 2 OMG OMG & Statistics

I have around 1 week and 5 days to stuff all that shit in. Chemistry Paper 2 is the worst out of all, wish me luck. Loves.

2.08am 22.10.2010

Hallo an alle! :D

2010-10-14T01:49:00.004+08:00

SO HELLO EVERYONE! -_____-

Its been so long, no? I have the mood to blog right now so, OKAY!

Okay, today was the very first day of AS. For those who do not know what AS is, it is my Advanced Subsidiary Level exam, and the first paper was Pure Math Paper 1.

I hope I can get a good pass :( I really do not want to re-sit if I can but if I fail, or so happen to get poor results then I guess I'll re-sit it. Damn why am I so noob :( The first few questions, waaa so confident, so happy, write so cantek, then when it came to the back lolol i was all bonkers. Too late to regret now, its over.

And, my dota frenzy is back again -___- I wonder why I never improve, sigh. So noob laaa.

And today too, Uncle Saruddin, Kainu and Joynu went back to Switzerland already :( well its only like yesterday when they reached here; and only just like yesterday when I was so in awe because they were stunningly handsome but yeah, they're gone now. I'm gonna miss them. I hope they'll come back sooner, not like 5 years later or maybe I can go over to Switzerland sooner to pay them a visit! Not much pictures were taken when they were here. Only managed to snap a few with their camera at the airport just now! :(

This is weird. I realized that I haven't been taking a lot of photos anymore since few months back. I don't even bother uploading my pictures to the laptop anymore. Maybe I'm fed up of snapping pics that isn't of my face anymore lol.

One of the reason is definitely because of my lousy Sony camera. It sucks so much it doesn't motivate me to take pictures.

Lesson learnt: never get Sony when it comes to cameras or laptops.

Went out with Marcus just now! Its strange how things happen when you're just not-so-free WTH. The last time Marcus came to KK, Sabah was when I was still a small little girl, a toddler I think and this year, he visited twice. First with Daniel yay, and second now. We went out for makan and then dota :D

WHY DOES ALL THESE HAVE TO HAPPEN DURING AS!??

But still, I realized too, that I'm going out more often now that AS is ongoing. Lol, idk what's with me. I guess studies aren't my top priority WHICH IS BAD.

Okay I know this post is too random! I hope to go to the gym tomorrow with baby, nini and bro. And after that, dotaaa lols. Imma study practical in the morning!

Next paper - Chemistry Practical, 19/10/2010

Fuck this shit, my big in-nest tooth, on the right is bleeding randomly now. First time, idk why?

Okay i go feed momo, chao!

2.19am 14.10.2010

P.S. Just changed my layout, song, and I'm loving em both XD

I so wanna cut away these fats! >:(

2010-10-09T10:46:00.004+08:00

So, I'm sure most of you who are digi users, living in KK know about the Core Fitness promo right? To those who do not know, Core Fitness is giving all digi users a 2 week free trial :D

So yeap, yesterday was my first day at gym! >:D

I got back from school, and I slept till the afternoon. Although I had the car, but I had no friggin idea what to do. So lifeless. So after talking to Pearl, gym came into my mind. Heeeh.

Hahahahah it was really fun, especially cycling class. EPIC man. There was a trainer guiding us but gawd, I felt like dying in there. Too fat, no stamina, grr. Plus he wouldn't allow us to stop to leave or anything. Hahahaha and I went on the threadmill blabla :P ahahahah. Went there at 7 and left only at 10 :D

Went there with my bro, Pearl and Daphne. Weeee. More to come! :D

And btw, just got back from Le Meridien. So tired! But my body isn't aching yet. Maybe the flight of stairs in IS has trained me well! :P We went over because my uncle invited us so yeap. I brought Carmelia and her lil' sister along, so all of us swam for a while. After that, we went to the SAUNA. It was my very first time! And it was not bad :D hahahaha it really helps us to sweat :O then after 10 minutes in the sauna, we went to the jacuzzi. Hahaha I really loved it. Relaxing :)

Now I'm back and my cousins are at Powernet. I hope to go to the gym again tonight :) even if i'm gonna be alone. Gonna rest for a while now before heading out! :)

Now, I'm alone but it doesn't matter. I'll get used to this, slowly. You never admit it when you're wrong. You say something at first but after that, you make it sound like I'm at fault, like you never said what you said and etc. Well its okay already. Its just a shame that you couldn't embark the rest of the journey with me :)

4.43pm 9.10.2010

Naruto's back :DD

2010-09-26T04:34:00.001+08:00

Omg, I rewatched Naruto from where I stopped THREE YEARS ago, and damn its so good. Its a really long time, gosh. I miss it so much. Resumed at episode 33, watched till 41 tonight. NINE EPISODES. Okay, its time for bed now, omg.

Biology's on Monday and...tut.

4.35am 26.9.2010

momo i love youuu

2010-09-24T02:25:00.001+08:00

i feel so sad when i cant bring momo out like this. she wont even come on my hand T____T

and im so lousy cuz im too scared to touch her T______________T

P.S. above pics are not mine nor they are momo D:

OMG STOP IT ALREADY

2010-09-24T00:03:00.003+08:00

YER STOP IT LEHHH. STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!

im gonna start to anti you if you keep on doing it. my 'stuff' also become your 'stuff', i dont have to make it any clearer. ok?

things, materials, friends all omg i want die.

i hate myself for being such a softy. softy only die.

and i was like baby baby oh~ -.-

i wanna see justin bieber perform baby live now in front of me, then i'll cheer up. ok random

CHEMISTRY SUCKED ASS

12.05am 24.9.2010

things i do for, love.

2010-09-23T00:22:00.002+08:00

Thank you for understanding, and to you, if you don't understand then too bad, it can't be helped. I'm doing this for less than three :)

and if you are a real friend, you'd understand. I have my reasons and I, melissa, do not do things, unless I have to.

Anyway, sat for Pure Math P1 today. I'm flunking it for sure, worst paper so far!

I hope I won't do as badly for Chemistry 1 & 2 tomorrow.

Anyway, here's a really nice song I'm falling for too :)

Thanks to Daphne :D

Okay off to Chem!

12.27am 23.9.2010

Oops, just realized the date. Oh well :)

Something Bout Love, that breaks your heart...

2010-09-21T01:36:00.003+08:00

Having Bio Prac tomorrow and here I am :)

Really not in the mood to study now, more in the mood to express my feelings. Experienced a bunch of mixed feelings tonight - anger, frustration, excitement, nostalgia and a bit of everything else. Have you ever come across a night where things all happen at once?

I think I can cry by myself now, if I wanted to. Listening to this song makes me... sigh.

All in all, I believe the first fall makes a very big impact in our lives. Everyone of us. And its an undeniable fact.

I really hate being alone at night sometimes, because my thoughts can wander off far enough. Far enough.

Anyway, I thought this song sucked the other day but looking at David's expression when he sing the song, and the part from 2.40 onwards, just made me like the song already :)

1.44am 21.9.2010

lalala TRIALS SUCK

2010-09-20T01:37:00.003+08:00

Okay, am supposed to go off now but am just gonna be here for 10more minutes. Waiting to collect tax from My Empire(jsydk, its a facebook game. uh? i know dont have to tell me, im this lifeless :) ).

Anyway, today's a really bad Sunday. One of my worse Sundays. Few hours have already passed by but still here I am, feeling all down and gloomy, sigh. Really hate this feeling + i have so many other things to worry about. Chem Practical trial is over. Tomorrow, which is Tuesday, I'm gonna sit for my Bio Practical trial and its Pure Maths Paper 1 after that, AND Chemistry Paper 1 & 2 after that. And mind you, its the WHOLE AS SYLLABUS. Give me one good reason why I don't feel like killing myself yet?

Sigh. Being very emo lately. Uh yeah yeah like i'm always not emo, pfft -.-

AS is hoshit lost count, wait...

TWENTY-ONE FRIGGIN' DAYS AWAY!!!

NOOOOO :(

this feels so so much worse compared to SPM. Reason is because, I didn't give a damn about SPM and thats why the so lousy results ahahahaha but whateverrr, this time, I do give a damn, ok? I think I'm gonna cry if I fail my AS. I'll just have to re-sit it. Sigh.

What, I paid a bloody RM800 for the exam ok? Not me la, my dear parents. And if I can, of course I dont want them to pay again for me to re-sit!

Ahh ahh ahh, why why why :'(

PROCRASTINATION KILLED ME AGAIN, i hatechu!

if only you'd help me a bit, just a bit... i dont need you to teach me chem or maths, just be more caring, no? :|

1.50am 20.9.2010

i love butter cookies :)

2010-09-19T02:59:00.002+08:00

i always end up getting things that i do not want. people around me, they're so much better off than me; sometimes i wish i was them for a while or maybe go back into time where i didn't have to worry, to feel this way and to shed unnecessary tears. maybe i took things for granted back then thats why i have to deal with karma now.

the fact that im going to leave this place someday, i cant wait. i cant wait to leave so much, and leave everything behind. and start a new start.

who else am i living for? myself.

i realize that no one is going to save me so, imma save myself :)

and to save myself, i must first learn my maths, chemistry and biology well. because they're the only things that will love me back and give me a future where i can see me, being happy happy again.

P.S. im gonna open my butter cookies now Brandon got me last February in 2009 LOL. they're going to, expire. on the 24th. 6 more days. -___-

P.P.S yay, i still have supper. sadly, its not from you but are you gonna get me supper anyway? nope i dont think sooo... :)

3.08am 19.9.2010

getting dumb-er and numb-er day by day

2010-09-12T02:36:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, things THIS small can tear me up. Like fuck sissy. Ta ma de, I wish I could just forget everything.

Tell me, how would you like it when someone rather write short stupid responses back to other people than to post a short comment, even if it was a DOT? What more when he/she is your lover. It won't take even a minute, right? & you melissa, you're THAT fucking dumb, to comment and post in his/her wall like you enjoy talking to yourself! ^^

I'm like, dust. & i dont wanna talk about it anymore. I hope that there will come a day where I don't have to face your wrath anymore. I pray with my whole heart that God will take this pain away because I know if I wait for you to ease the pain, I'd be dead.

& by then, you will be, nothing to me. Nothing at all...

P.S. I so don't look forward to tomorrow, because its gonna be a stupid morning again with the same routine (:

P.P.S. I promise, I won't talk to the wall anymore. No pain, no heartbreak yea? Peace :)

2.49am 12.9.2010

Bieber fever :O

2010-09-04T00:41:00.005+08:00

"Stop worshiping him, stop hating on him. Hes a kid for cryin out loud!"
WELL SAID.

Alright, now I hope that Justin Bieber will come to KL after my AS exams :)

Mum doesn't object the idea so I guess imma start saving now :D

He's a real cool kid for his age. I just hope he doesn't mess up his life like MJ, Britney or Miley. It would be a waste. & I hope he stops flirting around or being a womanizer because that's the only thing I dislike about him now. Not because I am jealous, ok? Zzz.

Okay, I used to think he's okay-okay only la before this. Well I don't love him nor hate him, just in between but now I think my status is - on the way to love.

He's 16 but so talented and already so successful. What? He has already collaborated with Ludacris, Jaden Smith, Sean Kingston and Usher. Who else? I think it also depends on luck sometimes. There might be people better than him somewhere out there, but not found due to circumstances. I think it is about the right people, right place and right time.

To you haters out there~ If you guys dislike him or hate him so much, just go somewhere else lah and shut up man. I went to hitz.fm on facebook and there were some people who were saying their ears are bleeding because of too much bieber songs played on hitz, some saying they do not dare to on their radios yet and etc. Come on man, get a life. What's wrong with you people? He can sing good, his looks ain't bad and he's just a kid. Is it his fault you people aren't as talented/lucky as him? By saying he's gay, and he sounds like a girl, you think it'd change the fact he's that good? Just because he hasn't reach puberty and his voice has not cracked yet, you guys wanna say all sorts of useless nonsense. You MEN out there, are funny people.

Well I find these people somewhat, pathetic. No offence. Don't like don't like lah, go away. No one wants to hear what you people have to say (annoyed).

Ahh imagine if he gets his ass to KL with Usher? Ohhhhhh maaaaaaaai gaaaaaaaad!

Currently in love with this song :)

12.58am 4.9.2010; 37

Study Break

2010-08-20T00:56:00.002+08:00

Its two weeks break for us now, to do all the studying and when we get back to school, yeap, a whole load of exams and trials coming up :(

Chemistry alone is a killer, not to forget Math and yes, Ms Joanna gave us LOADS to do for Biology. There's this organic chem test once school reopens, and biology test too on 4 chapters. Maths, omg idk where and how I am gonna start on it. So much to do, so little time and yes, thanks to procrastination again.

The seniors' results kinda motivated me, especially Queenie's, but I doubt I can be that good. 4A STARS is a lot to ask for, for someone like me D:

Well 3A STARS.

Today is exactly one week since school ended, and here I am, still lazing around. Although there's gonna be a lot when sch starts and I know it, but I haven't started touching my books yet or writing anything down except for math tuition just now but also, nothing done.

& my chores, omg, so much so much to do.

I do not have the drive to study at all these days, feeling so lazy, lethargic and moody, my relationship's dying any moment now(well i think it died already), i feel so sorry for momo because i failed as a 'mother' and i just feel so lifeless. Sigh.

Life's just such a mess for me now.

Daphne is currently at Penang, enjoying herself with the love of her life and his family :) am so happy for her. I called her using 3G just now and she and him seem to be having so much fun although they were just sitting down at Starbucks, chilling. Golden was like "fly here and join us!" and he had to repeat it 3 times because I could not hear what he was saying -_- gosh, I wish I could man. I really wish. Few months ago, we actually planned this but nah, idk why my plans never seem to work out. Oh well, guess its just not meant to be :(

Its 1.11am now. I feel like studying but I know it when I open my books, there's nothing that I can do.

Guess I'll not go to my books. I'll share with you people my new 'interest'. I found myself a new idol :)

Her name's Michelle Phan. I came across her the other day after watching Ryan Higa's The Makeup Guru. So yeah, I googled her and a few links appeared. I watched one of her vids and I instantly loved her <3

She's just so everything in one! Watch her vids and you'll know why I said that :)

This is her first video I watched :)

Amazing right? She's pretty and I love her voice! :D

I love all her tutorials! All you girls should watch her vids, they're really useful. Just hope I can save up enough money to get the stuff I want to. Might be planning a stayover with Daphne someday and we'll try out her tutorials x)

She's my idol simply because she's pretty, smart, successful, so good in make up, so good in cooking and her ways of doing 'homemade stuff' are just so cool. Subscribe to her! :)

Ahh my back's aching, old already, haha. I guess imma go lie down, stare at the ceiling and have thinking sessions again before I go to Dreamland :)

I wish life isn't that tough now, I needa break. Im so tired I can barely breathe...

I sound so pathetic but, I just can't help it. I wish you could save me. I wish.

1.30am 20.8.2010

Got Your Back :)

2010-08-16T11:36:00.002+08:00

One very meaningful song I heard a few days ago but just read its lyrics :) it gives me the Knock You Down feeling, back then. And now this :)
Its been a while since they have this kinda beautiful song, and it sounds good too! :)

Read the lyrics and refer to the vid ;)

[T.I. Intro]
Shawty I know you be hearin' this and that from here and there
But please trust and believe momma
I see your gonna ride for me so I'm gonna die for you.
Is you with me?
(keri Hilson)
I got your back boy
(T.I.)
Well lets get it

[Chorus: Keri Hilson & T.I.]
When we're were high
When we're were low
When I promise I will never let you go
Said I got I got I got I got your back boy
I got I got I got I got your back boy
(I know you got my back right)
Keep my swagger
Keep it looking good for ya
Keep it looking hood for ya
Shawty if you don't know
I got I got I got I got your back boy

[T.I. Verse 1]
Hey it's whatever shawty
You aint gotta ask
Yes Valentino blouses, summer houses, cash, check!
You can get it you deserve it, flawless diamonds, Louie purses,
My mission's to purchase Earth for her
Present the gifts without the curse
Her pleasure is my purpose
Pleasure to be at your service
We front row at fashion shows as well as Sunday morning service
But better days or for worse
If I'm paid I'm hurting in my pocket
She still got a n-gga back thats for sure
No matter what may occur in life
Everyday with her is like a plus
I'mma love her till she be like thats enough
Pop a bottle get a couple wine glasses fill em up and lift em up
Let us toast to the future here's to us
No, here's to her

[Keri Hilson - Bridge]
They wonder how we do what we do
Panamera Porsches me and you
Stuck to your side like like like glue
Be by your side whatever you're going thru

[Chorus]
When we're were high
When we're were low
When I promise I will never let you go
Said I got I got I got I got your back boy
I got I got I got I got your back boy
(I know you got my back right)
Keep my swagger
Keep it looking good for ya
Keep it looking hood for ya
Shawty if you don't know
I got I got I got I got your back boy

[T.I. Verse 2]
This is for the women who man caught a sentence
Who gonna be there for a minute but they didn't keep their distance
They stayed home waiting on the phone
And on visit day show up looking good smelling better, playing kissy face
Just wanna let you know that we appreciate
Everything you do for us on a day to day
And I know we don't show you all the time but we lucky that you ours
No bouquet of flowers could ever show how much we know we need you
We do all thats in our power just to please you
See boo, fuck them girls I would leave the World 'fore I leave you
Make God say even Eve and Adam ain't got shit on these two

[Bridge]
They wonder how we do what we do
Panamera Porsches me and you
Stuck to your side like like like glue
Be by your side whatever you're going thru

[Chorus]
When we're were high
When we're were low
When I promise I will never let you go
Said I got I got I got I got your back boy
I got I got I got I got your back boy
(I know you got my back right)
Keep my swagger
Keep it looking good for ya
Keep it looking hood for ya
Shawty if you don't know
I got I got I got I got your back boy

[T.I. Verse 3]
Sure enough
Even though them chicks be hating on us
Still I'm gonna keep her by my side
In whatever situation we gon ride
Make all my fantasie's come alive
Thats no lie now
I'll be alright just as long as you're beside me
10 million dollar mansions won't suffice
If you aint gon be in there with me at night
The pieces to the puzzle's in my life
With all of my good days and all of my bad
You stood by your man and you know you got my back
Worth every car every bag with me they wanna be that
I know what I got at home
I aint never gon leave that
Them bitches best believe that

[Chorus]
When we're were high
When we're were low
When I promise I will never let you go
Said I got I got I got I got your back boy
I got I got I got I got your back boy
(I know you got my back right)
Keep my swagger
Keep it looking good for ya
Keep it looking hood for ya
Shawty if you don't know
I got I got I got I got your back boy

:) sweet song ey?

T.I.'s such a romantic.

Salt

2010-07-31T11:33:00.007+08:00

Watched this last night with baby and bro. I think imma give it a 10/10. Or, 9 the least?

I'm not gonna say anything, dont wanna spoil the movie. But I really really loved it. It was really sad at some parts and I'm not gonna say why, and it was like really wow omg throughout the whole thing.

Undeniably one of the best shows of year 2010. A MUST watch!

&, meet my new idol :)

If you guys watched Salt, focus at the museum part when she thought of how she met her husband. Although she was just wearing a simple tank top, she was so f-king stunning there no words can describe, and that was the very moment she became my idol XD

Actually I started liking her since the movie Wanted. Shes just so awesome. I didn't get to watch Changeling though :/

Heck, I didn't know she 'dubbed' for the tiger's voice in Kungfu Panda -___- and also Lola in Shark Tale LOL.

All the action movies she acted in honestly, no fight; including this.

Which woman have ever acted like this?

Megan Fox cannot even beat her. Shes pretty no doubt, but she sucks real bad in acting ugh.

Idk why I have never liked her as in sangat amat like, until now... She's still so stunning even if shes getting older.

Eclipse

2010-07-17T01:06:00.003+08:00

Watched Twilight Eclipse with babi and bro just now. Well, it was okaaay. I still love Edward(eff Jacob's abs, im not interested lmao) for being such a gentleman! Although I think he should really have slapped Bella and like, wake her up man. He's just being so toleranttt, and really, he respects her like a gentleman should treat every girl (: but just too tolerant :/ i feel mad for him! Especially the part where Bella was like jacob jacob stop come back err kiss me i was like WTF MAN
I give it a 7.5/10 I guess, haha.

& hey, did you guys notice the Victoria in this movie? She looks so different :/ well, prettier and younger... The Victoria from the first one is so ugly, old and err, eww. Voice also kinda different. Lazy to google up if shes still the same actor, hah. And I liked the battle here.. Not like the second one, so lil' action. Well actually, I just loved the wolves XD SO CUTE LIKE COCO XD hehehehe cutee :3 & I really loved Edward's expression when Jacob kissed Bella, he was so furious and he was like gonna kill him :O Bella punching Jacob, damn that was just embarrassing LMAO. Anyway, can't wait to see them get married and hope Bella won't be such an ass the next upcoming movie, grr. Well if she wasn't an ass guess it wouldn't be Twilight, heh.

Well anyway, movies to watch now is Inception and Street Dance. SALT coming up soon and of course The Sorcerer's Apprentice, heh.

This Sunday which is like tomorrow, my sch will be having its official opening ceremony and yes, I'm one of the students who is involved in this event. Carrying the bunga mangga like what I did during Form 3 in CPT :3 gonna be wearing the cheongsam~ :O
I can't wait for make do! :D

1.17am 17.7.2010

3D Frenzy

2010-07-11T02:35:00.006+08:00

Yeah, watched two 3D movies in a day today with different people (:

The first one was Toy Story 3 at 11.30am this morning. Gosh, I can't believe I held back so long until there was only one showtime left per day. I was hoping to watch it with someone who means the world to me but my dream did not come true. Anyway, I watched it(my first 3D movie yay) with di aka Shak, Larson, his bro and his friends. My little brother was supposed to come but he ffk me last minute, eff. Okay guess it was only me and di but still, I enjoyed every bit of it. The only thing I hated was that I couldn't cry properly, have to tahan tahan, ahaha, malu ma :P a tear came down on my right cheek but I didn't wanna go rub it off straight away cuz that would just be obvious that I cried. Luckily di was on my left but I think he knew I was errrrrrr, haha. Diam diam saja lah XD

It was worth watching honestly although the 3D effects in it were crap except for the WALT DISNEY word part in front LOL. All in all, it was damn funny, damn touching, damn nice.
I give it a 5/5. Rating in IMDB is 9.1/10! OMG :O Definitely one of the best movies this year!
The ending really made me teared scene after scene. Especially when Andy brought his toys to the little girl's house on his way to college :'( the feeling of being apart forever just kills... The recording of Andy playing with his toys in front too was also so touching :( Heck I'm getting all emo now okay stop!
Those who did not watch MUST watch and those who do not wanna watch, you're the one losing out :)
Toy Story 2 came out in 1999 so it was like 11 years since then! Even I cannot believe it. It was only like yesterday watching TS 2 D: how fast time flies~
Andy is all grown up and so good looking! Like for real. Ugh whatever it is, his love for Woody and Woody's love for him, just make me wanna cry so baddddd :'(

SPOILER ALERT!!!
DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED IT AND IF YOU STILL WANNA READ IT DON'T BLAME ME FOR SPOILING THE MOVIE FOR YOU!

Here's some scenes that really made me tear until it the tear became so heavy that it had to roll down my cheek!
- When the little girl took Woody outta the box but Andy pulled him back :'(
- When Woody waved goodbye to him and said so long, partner :(
- When Andy introduced all his toys to the little girl and this,
- When he passed Woody over to the little girl.
Andy: Now Woody, he's been my pal for as long as I can remember. He's brave, like a cowboy should be. And kind, and smart. But the thing that makes Woody special, is he'll never give up on you... ever. He'll be there for you, no matter what.
Its like he knew Woody never gave up on him... :'C
that was the time when the tearrrr rolled down, sniff sniff! Oh dear I just love it when Andy piggybacks Woody, like good ol' times :(

I saw some high rated comments on youtube and i liked them too!

If this didn't touch you and tug at your heart string, then I don't want to know you and you need to see a therapist.
the 9 people who disliked this, should be eaten by rex the dinasour

AND YA YOU GUYS SAW BUSTER? LOL HES BECOME SO FAT! So funny XD
I'll buy the dvd when I have the kaching and watch it all over again :)

Disney movies just never seem to fail me :)

Some other folks might be a lil' smarter than I am,
Bigger and stronger too, maybe,
But none of them will ever love you, the way I do,
it's me and you.

Guess my favourite character from Disney is now WOODY :)

The second movie was Despicable Me. Watched it at 10pm with Daphne and Aubrey this time :D Heck, I give it a 4/5! Rating in IMDB is 7.8/10!
It was also very funny, touching, and cute!!! Zomg the movie was filled with epic cuteness the whole time, hahahahaha honestly. And the 3D effects were amazing. This, you have to watch in 3D. I was so sakai at the beginning I terkejut and shouted when the minion came dangling down LOL. Okay watch it and you'll understand what I'm talking about, haha. Paiseh XD

See this minions? They're really cute and every one of them are different LOL. Very funny seriously. And Mr Gru is very nice actually... Well, he has a soft heart :) it made me tear too especially when he kissed the girls goodnight and when Margo said ily to him awww :'(
Must watch too! In 3D! :)

Well I had a really great time with di himself, Daphne & Aubrey. Nothing's better when you're watching a movie you love :)
Sometimes I just wish I could have fun with you too, like the old times :')

& I know things have changed yet, I'm so helpless...
~~Your statuses, actions, expressions just clearly show me. You just don't notice it yet. But you will when I am replaced someday. You'll see..~~
Why am I still holding on although I know there's nothing left to look forward to?

3.40am 11.7.2010

July, just like any other month

2010-07-02T09:59:00.007+08:00

Its 10am now and progress test is now over. Its also a new month :)

My conclusion for the past 6 months, ~~I get more miserable each day~~.

But no, I do not feel any happier. From now on, I'll just keep the peace.

Silence is golden, and not Daphne's Golden.

I have so so many movies to catch up now! A-Team, Toy Story 3, Sex & The City 2, Knight & Day for the time being.

OMG HEY, I JUST CHECKED GSC AND THE BACKUP PLAN IS OUT! Anyway, there's many many more to come!

Last Saturday, I watched a movie - She's Out Of My League.

Most of it were funny and sweet, really a very filling movie. I personally give it a 5 out of 5 :)
Yes, it was THAT good :) although he's not that hot looking, he really has a sweet face. And he reminds me of Harry from Spiderman :)

You guys should really watch it... Idk why they don't show it in GSC though.

Recently, a friend of mine @chryx just had his hard disc full of 320GB of stuff, reformatted or something. I feel his pain. Imagine if it was me, I'd be crying for weeks. All those stuff I had since Form 1, gone in a blink. Sigh.

No updates... Everyday's just the same. No matter how sick I am of it, I cannot change a thing. I hope God will help me out...

I'm going to sleep since I have nothing to do. Toodles.

P.S. I like Tiffany from SNSD :)

10.12am 2.7.2010

一生应该遗忘の十种人

2010-06-27T12:48:00.000+08:00

一、你曾经深爱的人

当这个人成为你心底的痛的时候，你一定要忘了他。爱一个人并不痛苦，痛苦的是爱你的人给你的伤痛。这种痛往往是刻骨铭心的，足以让你痛上一辈子，所以你要忘了他。

二、曾经深爱你的人
他深爱你，可是你却无法回应他。因此你对他有所愧疚，午夜梦醒时看到自己身边躺着自己爱的人，想到自己的幸福，就更加觉得对不起他。他那么好，待你那么温柔，比你爱的人更疼爱你，可是你就是不爱他。没办法，谁让爱情本来就是没有道理可言的。

三、你背叛过的人
你会怕他！他曾经那么信任你，可是你却辜负他的信任。这样的他必定是恨着你，更有可能在你不知道的地方诅咒你。也许忘记只是逃避，也许你终究要面对他，但能够忘记也是一种幸福。

四、你最恨的人
不要去恨一个人，那是对自己的折磨。我们实在没有必要为了一个微不足道的人来折磨自己。你在恨的同时，也磨去了自己心中原有的善良和仁慈，你会觉得所有人都对不起你，你就会看不到很多美好的东西。用你的快乐去交换恨一个人的权力，不值得。

五、你爱他，他却不爱你的人
为什么他不爱我？为什么他要选择她？为什么我那么爱他，他却从来不回应我的爱？不要再去问为什么，因为很多事情不需要理由，不爱你就是不爱你，不是你不够好，不是你比不上她，也不是他感受不到你的爱，是因为他不爱你。还是忘了他，太多的为什么只会让你变成有一个自怨自艾的女人。

六、让你恐惧过的人
你怕他，夜深人静时，自己独处时，在陌生环境时，你就会想到他。怕他会突然出现，怕他会伤害你。你想恨他，却又不敢恨他。那就忘了他吧！无论他曾对你做过什么，都已经是过去的事情，我们不应该向过去臣服。在成长的过程中，我们至少要学着往前看，不是吗？

七、你想提出分手，却被他抢先一步的人
遇到这种人，只有两个字：“郁闷”。你本来可以很洒脱地和他说“拜拜”。可是他却比你快了一步。即使事后你怎么补救，别人只会认为你只是在死撑。唉！这种丢脸的事情还是忘了吧！

八、你暗恋过的人
你在远处看着他，你偷偷打探他的消息，你给予他关心。他却毫不知情，最后你还要在原地祝福他和别人要永远幸福。用这种自虐的方式蹂躏自己的感情，这样的感觉是人恐怕都不想再经历一次。

九、你们明明相爱，却不能厮守的人
我们相爱，这是无用质疑的。可是我们却又有很多的理由不能在一起。比如我父母不喜欢你，而我是一个很孝顺的人；比如我要对另外一个人负责，因为我是一个有担当的人；比如你的个性并不适合我，将来终是要分手，倒不如现在好聚好散。太多太多的理由让我们不能在一起，因此我们只能互相忘记。

十、为了某些原因，你不得不放弃的人
放弃的时候义无返顾，放弃过后有遗憾却不后悔。哪怕再选择一次，还是会放弃。我们即使充满了无奈和抱歉，但已经无法回头。因为我们早已决定了自己的方向，不会为了某个人还改变自己的未来。所以我们只能对他说抱歉了。

Taken from Shelby :)

忽冷忽热的爱

2010-06-17T23:07:00.003+08:00

One of my friend's posted this, and I really think its so well written; simply because it portrays each and every bit of how I feel these days...

由期待演变成等待是什么样的感觉？

由希望演变成绝望又是什么样的境界？

没有一双温柔的双手能够握紧我?

没有一个温暖的胸膛可以让我依靠，

忽冷忽热的感觉是那么地伤，

明明有个可以握紧双手的人，

却不知何时才能握起他的手，

明明有个可以躺在怀里依偎的人，

却总是害怕他那冷漠的眼光，

明明有个爱你的人在身边，

却又不知道他的心中在想些什么...

他做什么事情从来就不需要向你交代，

他做什么决定从来就不需要你的认同，

他的心情从来都是没人能够真正了解，

他可以一天二十四个小时都缠着你，

也可以一连几天都没打过一通电话给你，

只要他觉得开心就会对你很好，

但只要他不开心就会对你冷漠，

他不是一个很好相处的人，

可却是你最深爱的一个人，

两个人是情侣的关系，

可却比陌生人还要来得陌生，

他总能一次次给你无限的惊喜，

也总能一次次地将你的美梦给破碎，

从不喜欢两个人没联络，到习惯两个人几天没联络，

从喜欢有个人陪在身边，到习惯一个人的生活，

从对他有着满腔的热情，到最终却习惯了他的冷漠，

从不可以接受这样的爱，到最终习惯这样的爱，

不是没有想过要离开他，

可就是深深地爱着他，

不是可以习惯这样的生活，

而是不得不习惯这样的生活，

可爱上了，一切都不再一样了，

或许直接不接受会来得好一些吧，

至少不用过着这样的生活，

有着满满的希望，

也有着满满的失望...

对你的爱是他给你的希望，

对你的冷漠是他给你的失望，

当希望一次次演变成失望后，

绝望也会随之而来临...

人之所以会绝望，

是因为他给你的希望，

只能带来失望...

2010年6月17日

19点50分

慕康随笔~

11.10pm 17.6.2010

Ignorance is BLISS

2010-06-16T00:58:00.003+08:00

And this is where 'i go my way, you go my way' part begins :O

Conclusion, we don't click. Not at all. Heck, why should I think about that any longer? Its me and that saying bye thingy is a part of me, and it won't change until I get fed up myself.

Now, its you, your attitude. You still don't understand do you? No one should ever treat me like that, that night, not even as a friend what more youuu and yes, I'm so sickkkkk (annoyed)

Waaaaaa, its definitely not the first time talking about this. If I had to start all over again, I'll die of exhaustion. Save the breath. Now only I realize what it means when you tell me this: 'if you don't realize it yourself, then why should I tell you?' say that to yourself now.

but i doubt you'll ever realize. because you're too ignorant.

Imperfection

2010-06-15T16:40:00.004+08:00

I was bloghopping and for the first time, I came across a quote from a friend's blog, which I think that really suits me.

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell do not deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe

4.43pm 15.6.2010

and heck, i just viewed my blog in full and i'm loving the new template so much. perasan sial

2010-06-02T23:40:00.001+08:00

Tired giving myself hopeless hope. I pray to God that he'll end this warfare and endless shits soon, please...

2010-05-29T18:05:00.003+08:00

There is someone who would help you, listen to you, do anything for you without hoping for anything in return, even if its just, one, person.

& we all know that there is someone out there, who is willing to make you their queen. Its just that, you haven't found that someone yet. Time will show you whether he is that someone. & if you have found yours, hold on tight to him :)

2010-05-28T19:48:00.000+08:00

Its been half a year now :)

2010-05-26T23:19:00.000+08:00

Time is all we need :)

2010-05-22T16:27:00.003+08:00

Things are turning out, slowly. Mum's been in a very good mood these days and when she is in a good mood, everything's good :D

I have bad eyes. I wanna buy whatever I see but can't blame me, I'm still young 8)

Shoes, pets, tops, rings(finger and toes =="), earrings GAHHH i need more money :O

4.29pm 22.5.2010

2010-05-20T00:24:00.000+08:00

Suggie in a jean's pocket

A shattered dream.

2010-05-16T11:45:00.002+08:00

Mum just came in randomly, asking whether I'm okay. And she asked twice. I said yeah twice too. She said, do not worry and asked whether I'm studying or not? I said yes, although I'm not at all. She said, no matter what, you must get your degree, focus, control your emotions and be patient. Do not make decisions in a hurry and know what you're doing. Respect people. In this way, I can only be successful. Patience is the key to success.

Miss Deborah's right - success needs maintenance.

I know, random. But it was random that it got stuck in my head.

I'll study after I bathe. I should prioritize studying now. Sigh.

I'm one sad girl inside.

11.50am 16.5.2010

2010-05-10T23:31:00.002+08:00

"How are you?"

A question I've never been able to answer fully/exactly/properly.

Life is still the same nowadays, getting worse I think.

Sch hours are tiring. I come home and take naps as long as a few hours. Sometimes I don't, but right after dinner, I'm on my bed already sleeping. I wake up to play my games, and go back to sleep again, like what I'm doing now. Getting more and more lethargic. My studies are chucked aside. Friends, are still gonna be friends so no more thinking that much if not I'm just gonna kill myself. Family, the same. Not gonna care so much.

Love life on the other side, is also getting worse. Maybe its just me and my stupid thoughts again but I hope everything will be alright. The feeling I'm having now is like, whatever will be will be lah. Sometimes I even feel like giving up, and sometimes I don't! And I'm starting to envy people more nowadays. Idk. I just hope the feeling I have left now, won't fade away.

I thought a new semester would make things better for me, but it seems to be worse than the last.

Right now, it seems like I'm all alone but I don't mind. Damn, I should have just stayed in sch and attend class.

I have goals and dreams, but I do not feel like doing any of the things that I need to do in order to achieve them. Just plain lazy.

My mood is one big obstacle. I wish times aren't this hard. I wish you could sort things out for me, because honestly? I need help...

11.44pm 11.5.2010

New Semester

2010-05-07T23:15:00.003+08:00

Yeap, its a whole new semester now :)

I was kinda excited back then but after a week now, I'm not anymore.

Subjects are getting tougher, time is getting more and more packed and life just seems so dull.

Anyway, I just came back from my ex-class reunion not long ago. Its good to see my classmates again but idk, maybe its just me, some are just such, hypocrites. Oh well. I never disliked you in any way whatsoever, really but after that day, I felt so disgusted. Anyway, it doesn't really matter after all we ain't really friends. Classmates only, that is.

I GUESS I'm gonna delete you. (ahh, i'm not that mean la...)

Some too, who add me in facebook and after that, when they bump into me, they turn their heads away like zoop. Some are the opposite, they don't! See the difference?

Well there are a few people who are jerks that I'll never forget, and yes, goodbye forever :)

Recently, life hasn't been treating me very well, especially with friends. I find most of the people around me, FAKE. So fake...so fake.

Honestly, I wonder how some people can use you and act as if nothing happen. Where's your conscience, buddy? Well, I wouldn't say use exactly but, do you even treat me as a friend?

Erm yeah, I know I'm not a perfect friend either but at least, I know how to care for people's feelings. I wonder if you ever tried standing in my shoes before..

Few days ago, I was really mad and disappointed at someone for something, and it wasn't the first time. Even a new friend can be so much better than you. I was so mad I felt like shouting right at that someone's face and make that someone realize once and for all. In fact, I've been trying to tell myself its okay even though I did cry just because of you and now thinking back, I feel real stupid. Honestly. But I've decided not to care so much. Being a loner is sometimes really better and I'm getting used to it. In fact, I kinda like it although sometimes I have to do some stuff solo.

Am I too soft hearted, or just plain dumb? Am I that easy to be pushed around?

I've really got to agree with the saying that when you need help, no one would offer help. Somemore when I'm at the end of the world.

Mum and baby are right. I've gotta learn to start saying NO.

Also, till now, my attitude makes me a freak. And maybe that's why I am treated this way :O

But hey, I really can't change it. I really tried being quiet before!! Honestly. But sadly, the longest only lasted for a day. A DAY. I get very hyped up at times, like I'm on some drug and I just can't help pinching or beating people suddenly and I'm really sorry but that's the way I am. If you can't tolerate me, just stay away from me. If I embarrass you, pls, just stay away from me. I understand... Sometimes, even the close ones think of me this way and yes, it is really hurtful that even writing this now can make me cry, zomg cry like I'm watching Marley & Me(fuck right?). The thing I don't understand is that why I still wanna be so nice to you people, who treat me that way... Ain't I dumb? Because my baby's always telling me that I am.

There are a few friends too, that constantly tell me they are envious of me, because I look so jolly all the time :) but you know, deep down, I also have my stupid emo moments too, like now. I really wish I could be 100% jolly all the time, or to not have that much sentimental feelings, so I won't feel this much.

But here too, I just wanna tell some people I appreciate them a lot for accepting me the way I am. Alif doesn't read my blog, I know, but I appreciate him a lot. He is one of the people who makes me feel this way and that's why I don't mind talking to him, even if people were to laugh at me :)

In fact, actually, there are a lot of unexpected people who I appreciate a lot. Even if they are ah beng, dukao, lala, out of date and whatever la, but their hearts, their inside, win you people.

Seriously, I'd do anything for these people.

Life is not easy I know, definitely but thank you TPO, Daphne Lim for making my life less tough these days :)

Wow, thats a long rant. Anyway, thank you if you read it till the end :D

My title is NEW SEMESTER but only like, 2% is about school LOL.

This blog, is the only place for me to spill out my heart's...trash, because, no one, can ever tell anyone, how much they really feel and I'm just at my limits.

Well, watching this video makes me feel much better. Even dogs cherish their relationships with their masters :')

Goodnight world.

12.17am 8.5.2010

"Semester Break"

2010-04-24T01:05:00.003+08:00

Yeap, its finally my first semester break! First semester exams are all over. Well I'm not expecting good results also lah from all of em but I'm just so happy to have my holidays now, feeling so tired AND LAZY having to study everyday, and when you cannot ponteng at all, unlike my secondary days.

Anyway, right after school today, went to 1B with James, Daphne, Melody, Mee Yan and Gordon. Well, me, James, Daphne and Abby watched THE LOSERS while the rest watched Clash of The Titans since they have not watched it yet.

I TOTALLY LOVED IT.

Rating: 8/10

I honestly love the characters so much especially JENSEN, Pooch and Cougar! :D

Jensen has very very good humor, and his wittiness is insane! You guys should really watch it, its a movie worth to watch. Well, that is if you get english jokes, well ;) I mean seriously, if not, you wouldn't enjoy the show that much like how me and Daphne did :P

Anyway, I watched it twice today; the first time with my friends and the second time at night, with my brother and love :)

I'm so so looking forward to Iron Man 2, a so must watch. Hope it won't be a disappointment! :)

SPAM HOLS! LIKE NEVER BEFOREEEEEE

1.13am 24.4.2010

Happy Birthday, Dad :)

2010-04-04T21:25:00.003+08:00

Yeap, finally drove a 4WD today! :D

I love my dad for some stuffs. He trusts me better in these kinda things, unlike mum. She's so afraid that I'll trash/spoil/hantam the car or whatever.

This morning, he called, and told me to go down and get the car. I was still in my pyjamas that time! O___o

So I took over the wheel, dropped bro back and dang, it felt so good! XD

Anyways, the feeling of driving a DMAX is so so so good! Compared to driving a Myvi =_=

It's so powerful, and easier. Not to mention, I'm higher up there :P

We're actually working on our English Marketing Presentation. It's our last assessment. The first didn't really went well because we didn't have a storyline but this time, when we had one super good one, IT FKING RAINED!!! Of all days. T___T

So, we had to go to Plan B, thanks to bi.

I wish we could re-do it again but nah, you only have two chances and our two chances are gone. Unless there's a miracle, and we'll have another weekend. Gonna do our best now :)

Pictures; edited by the awesome editor Daphne :D

Uncle Chong's

Bro's

I drove bro's one :3

Anyway, I'm gonna stop blogging for a while. I feel like isolating myself my dear friends.

I'm really messed up these days. Oh well, I'm gonna miss you guys out there, who misses me :3

Till then.

P.S. Happy Birthday again, Dad. We love you :)

9.35pm 4.4.2010

I love watching great movies!

2010-03-23T20:53:00.004+08:00

So getting my license last Saturday was the highlight of the week 8)

Well Melia, I'm sure you'll be more at ease. I had to wait so so long because a JPJ test on the 7th was postponed thats why there were extra people taking it the day I took it. Karen told me that there were around 100+ people taking it! Unlucky me. And the person who reshuffled the thing was a jerk. If I ever see him again, I'll tell him off oh. Thanks to him, we had to suffer. How inconsiderate.

But all is done and now I'm happy with my license :D
Okay, after getting my license...you know, tsktsk.

On Saturday night, I watched Alice in Wonderland!
Rating: 8/10

Well, idk why most of the people said its boring, and also according to few friends, but I really enjoyed it! :) Maybe because I have a thing for fantasy fiction movies. I also find it rather entertaining, and it wasn't boring, so why not? The Queen of Hearts, the twins, the cheshire cat, and everything! To me, it was simply wonderful. I couldn't help myself from squealing throughout the whole movie. Well then again, maybe I loved the cartoon as a child, so yeap. It wasn't like the cartoon one but it was good and I really don't mind watching it again if I have to you know? :)

The following day, I watched Remember Me.
Rating: 8/10

I loved this movie as well. It made me wanna cry! It's a really good movie as well. The plot and everything, so well written!! Especially the ending. I didn't expect it to turn out that way. Well, you guys must really watch it because I don't wanna be a spoiler. I actually wanted to watch it so badly after seeing the poster the other day when I went downtown with my friends but they didn't really seem keen to watch it. Thanks to baby, he suggested us watching that movie and heck, I love it. My lil' brother also enjoyed it a lot. All I can say is that, it was also a really awesome movie too :)

And just now, when I was about to have my dinner, I turned to HBO and it so happened to be the Made of Honor.
Rating: 9/10

So I watched it and heck, it made me all watery at the ending! And even my mum! So it was a really good movie!! Why didn't I watch it last year!! Ooops, it was 2008 XD
I remembered it was on my movies' list, but I don't remember why I didn't manage to watch it D:

Exams are really approaching and I haven't been doing anything but slacking. I so have to buck up ):
Till then!

9.14pm 23.3.2010

Drive baby!

2010-03-17T19:53:00.003+08:00

So what have I been up to these days?

Well I passed my JPJ driving test today! :)

Finally got it done, once and for all. I'll be getting my P license this Friday, wheee. But of course, my driving ain't stable yet, and it's really kinda terrifying. According to mum and bi D:

The fruit was nice but the process was so horrible! I so don't wanna retake it again, thank God I passed! Luckily Edrea gave me companionship. I also managed to make new friends with some guy from Lok Yuk. Marion fetched him together with me. Well, I'm not exactly sure how to spell his name so I won't write it down.

I reached ADC around 6.15am, practiced till around 8 and registered. Dang. I never sucked in parkings before this, even during QTI but idk what went wrong this morning. I knocked the pole down twice! But again, thank God I did okay during the real thing :)

The horrible part was that I had to wait for 6 hours altogether, just to pass a test D:

I was number 59. They called me to go for the bukit after around 30minutes, then I waited for my turn for around 15minutes. I passed it the first go I did, then, proceeded to the side parking and 3 penjuru. Bloody hell. I wondered what gave me the patience today to wait for 1 hour and 15 minutes. Maybe because I was alone... Edrea joined me later on. He was number 83! LOL.

Then, after passing it, I went to wait for my turn to sit for the laluan test. Guess how long I waited?

It started from 11am. Then okay, wait wait wait. When it was almost my turn, they called for a lunch break at 12.30pm! WTF. Until 1.30pm. Fine, wait for another extra hour~

After the lunch break, some bloody immoral bastard jumbled the papers up when the JPJ officers were away because he wanted to be first to take it. o0o I would so tell him off if I see him ever again. Pfft. Sooo, again, my form went to the back, and I had to wait extra... SUCKS. Patience ran out and I started whining. I told my tutor and he tried telling them. In the end, they sorted the documents out again, but it didn't help much. I was supposed to try to go back to school at 3pm for practical but I couldn't make it... I waited for a total of 4 hours, just for the stupid bloody laluan. Plus the heat, I got myself a headache after that.

But anyway, I passed. So happy I do not have to go through that again :)

The week is ending again soon. & things are back to normal. I'm happy again :)

Everything's enough, for now. tsk.

8.04pm 17.3.2010

2010-03-14T21:37:00.003+08:00

Its the end of the week, again. I wouldn't say its a nice week, because there were lots of sucky moments, uhhuh. & results? Don't ask me, seriously.

What I wanna say today is, there are some things that a guy should do and a girl should do. Can't you differentiate what and what is that you should do?

I admit I admire boys sometimes because of what they can do but, heck no, I'm not a boy now(not 100%) and will never be one.

"Ni gei jeling dao hen teruk oh.", claims r.

Uhhuh, that is just how my boyf rock the world! =D

NOT.

9.41pm 14.3.2010

c.a.s.s.i.l.e.m

August, another ordinary month

Edward?

Crossroads in life

Graduation & Prom 2011 :)

When anger turns into tears.

Quotes

Time Flies Part 2

The past continues to haunt me

10 more to go.

男人…… 其实, 你不懂.

For The First Time :)

Decisions

One in A Million

You're the best thing, that's ever been mine.

1 month, 2 days, and still counting...

7th of March

fml

Horoscopes

I want more shopping please :(

CNY Holidays

So maybe I'm a masochist

Unrequited Love

Day to Remember

Ring ring

HAPPY NEW YEAR BITCHES :D

1.1 years

Confessions

Happening Day

Dots dots dots

I Just Had Sex? LOL

Holidays... what?

Happy Holidays, NOT

Priorities

Time flies

18th Birthday Bash :D

爱一个人不要超过八分... 我爱, 过了八分, 让你懒惰了

December coming up in 2 minutes!

Countdown

Quotes?

12 11 10

12 11 10

#500

天下没有怕不怕老婆的人, 只有, 尊不尊重老婆的人...

分手1天后、1周后 、1個月、1季、半年、1年

removed the post before this...

This too, shall pass :)

Luck was never on my side, never.

Hallo an alle! :D

I so wanna cut away these fats! >:(

Naruto's back :DD

momo i love youuu

OMG STOP IT ALREADY

things i do for, love.

Something Bout Love, that breaks your heart...

lalala TRIALS SUCK

i love butter cookies :)

getting dumb-er and numb-er day by day

Bieber fever :O

Study Break

Got Your Back :)

Salt

Eclipse

3D Frenzy

July, just like any other month

一生应该遗忘の十种人

忽冷忽热的爱

Ignorance is BLISS

Imperfection

Time is all we need :)

New Semester

"Semester Break"

Happy Birthday, Dad :)

I love watching great movies!

Drive baby!

分手1天后、1周后、1個月、1季、半年、1年