When anger turns into tears.

"I hate it when my anger turns into tears, it hurts. - Dianne" I fucking hate it. The hurt is indescribable and you'll never understand how I fucking feel, to be at your beck and call, to only be around when you need me, and when you dont need me, everything you do is WHATEVER. How can someone be so, ungrateful? So irresponsible, so cold hearted, so selfish, so inconsiderate, so manipulative... When you make me mad, so fucking mad, I still have to give in. And all I can do is cry and forget. If I had one wish, I fucking wish that I could stay mad at you forever. When will I ever have enough?

Your phone forever no batt. 12.30 when i left, you said when you reach home you'll call me. k lor, just have to wait for an hour ma since you said 1.30 or confirm before 2. nvm lo. so i wait, wait and wait from 1.30 wait till now already 3smth. in the end you're sleeping over at somebody else's house. WTF. AND YOU DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TELLING ME or even think of smth? Give me fucking lame excuses e.g. his phone got barred. WHAT, HE CALLED YOU BEFORE THAT? You wanna lie also pls lie smarter la. You're only making me sadder for thinking that I'm that dumb. IF I DIDNT GO OVER OR CALL HIM THEN I MUST HAVE WAITED LIKE FUCK? pls la can you stop being so inconsiderate and be more responsible. bloody hell seriously. wtf. you want to say i talk bullshit? then you're 100% full of bullshit. you can't even call me at 1.30 when you said you will, so does it give you any right to say that i talk bullshit? all your promises are bull. This isn't the first time, this is the GOD KNOWS HOW MANY TIME-TH. Everyday the same old story, only different starting but it all ends the same way.

If I knew it was gonna be so hard, I'd never have let you enter.

so much to say but. nvm.

you're... just too much.

i know, i have no one else to blame. because I chose to stay. Even if now, its obvious that its an unrequited love but im still stubborn. NVM. MY EXAMS ARE OVER. I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO CRY, TO STALK, TO CRY AND CRY, OVER AND OVER AGAIN, EVEN IF ONE DAY I'M GONNA DIE BECAUSE I DROWNED MYSELF IN MY TEARS. No where to go, no one to talk to, only this pathetic blog. I wish I knew how to drink. Really wish I could.

I don't know why after all these fucking fucked up things you put me through, I'm still here. Why am I still here? Why should I even care if you die of lung cancer? Or jeopardize your health in any way? Who are you to me?

Yeah, who are you to me? :) and who am I to you? To receive such treatment? If you should know how I feel, after having all this written down, I must have sound mad to you right? :)

But actually, I'm so... hurt.

I really wonder someday, if I died, would you even shed a tear? Hahaha.

3.47am 4.6.2011