The past continues to haunt me

Tonight, no distractions. He's sound asleep after a long day being at the island, its a Sunday night, no drama, I told myself, no tv, no going out, do chem. I'm actually sad, because he did not bring me along with him. Last time, he used to bring me everywhere, anywhere. But I guess, today was also good. It's no longer about not bringing me anymore. I guess I'll never ever be brave enough to face this. I told myself countless of times, let the past go, its over but actually deep down, I cannot. I don't think I can ever do this unless we've reconciled but then again, its impossible.

Actually I know, deep down, there is no happy ending in this. Who am I, to be angry? Its my fault after all. I destroyed it. Looking back, reading posts, she is right. Why was I so mean?

I should just let today be a "reimbursement" for her. After all to them, I'm the bad one. Well yeah, I am.

Like now, I'm sad, heartbroken, mad, and even to some people now, dramatic. Why? Because I use my heart to love someone ma.

Guess this is how it feels. Karma is real, somehow.

I'd do anything to go back to the past and change it but I can't. The only thing I can change is now, and the future. The days that I dread are near. One day when I'm ready, I'll let go and I'll apologize. It has never bothered me until now. Guess its been inside for far too long, its a thorn, and I need to remove it. I'll have to face it. It isn't necessary anymore because it's the past, but I've learnt a lot, realized a lot from her. It's hard for me to admit it but hey, at some point, you can't lie to yourself no matter how much you try.

To let go of this past, to release myself, I have got to let you go, erase the people around you from my life, and start over again :)

Damn I should be going to the UK. Haha. Now, I hope I get accepted. Gonna go work on my personal statement damn -.-

Although this had to happen, but it doesn't change the fact that I love you still and still the most ever :)